


La Plus parfaite indifférence

by xslytherclawx



Series: ô saisons, ô châteaux (ravenclaw au) [8]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Internalized Homophobia, Jewish Character, LGBT Character, M/M, Pureblood Culture (Harry Potter), Quidditch, Ravenclaw Regulus Black, Regulus Black-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-24
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-01-20 18:41:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 20,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18530875
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xslytherclawx/pseuds/xslytherclawx
Summary: It didn't really matter that Regulus Black had realised that he was gay; he had a family duty to uphold, and his family wasn't about to let him slip up. He had to get hold of himself – distracted as he might find himself by certain wizards who shall remain nameless. After all, Regulus is nothing like his brother.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

>   
> _Je ne veux surtout pas qu’on sache que je m’intéresse à lui. Car je ne veux pas surtout pas qu’on se demande_ pour quelle raison _je m’interesserais à lui._  
>  _Parce que se poser cette question ne ferait qu’alimenter la rumeur qui court à mon sujet. On prétend que je « préfère les garçons ». On constate que j’ai des gestes de fille parfois. … Et j’aime les livres, je lis beaucoup, on me voit souvent sortant de la bibliothèque du lycée, un roman entre les mains. Et on ne me connaît aucune petite amie. Cela suffit pour bâtir une réputation. J’ajoute que l’insulte fuse régulièrement … et je m’emploie à l’ignorer absolument, à ne jamais y répondre, à manifester en retour la plus parfaite indifférence, comme si je n’avais pas entendu (comme s’il était possible que je n’entende pas !). Ce que aggrave mon cas: un hétérosexuel pur et dur ne laisserait jamais dire ce genre de choses, il démentirait avec véhémence, il casserait la gueule à l’émetteur de l’insulte. Laisser dire, c’est confirmer._
> 
> _Évidement, je « préfère les garçons »._  
>  _Mais je ne suis pas encore capable de prononcer cette phrase._  
>  \- Philippe Besson, _« Arrête avec tes mensonges »_ , 2017
> 
> * * *
> 
> I was 100% intending on quoting another author for this fic, but I picked up this book in the meantime, and I felt that I couldn't use anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who filled out the end of year survey for year three! I'm definitely taking all the responses into consideration, especially when it comes to companion ficlets.

Regulus thought that this was some sort of karmic justice for whatever the  _ fuck _ was wrong with him; for letting it get that far. (Even if a voice in the back of his head that sounded an awful lot like Max insisted there was nothing  _ wrong _ with him, and there was nothing he could do to change it).

He stood in Twillfit and Tattings for his fitting for Narcissa’s wedding, and on the podium next to him was Evan Rosier. 

Evan was behaving himself – not winking or whispering or flirting – possibly because of the adults nearby, but Regulus found himself stealing glances. Even Max, surely, would admit that there was something wrong with Regulus’s attraction to Evan. If only because Evan was so – racist and conceited and obnoxious.

Because that’s what it was, much as Regulus tried to bury it down somewhere deep inside himself. He was attracted to Evan Rosier. He  _ wanted _ to snog him, and he was certain that Narcissa’s wedding would be torture with Evan never far (and Max all the way in Dorset).

“You’ve grown so much since these were purchased, Mr. Black,” the shopwitch said, adjusting the robes Narcissa had selected for him over Christmas holidays the year before.

He had the distinct feeling that he ought to apologise, although he wasn’t sure why. It was hardly  _ his _ fault that he’d grown; he was nearly fourteen years old. It had been Narcissa who’d insisted on ordering the robes for her two teenage cousins over six months in advance, not him.

Evan caught his eye then and smirked. Regulus willed himself not to blush, but he felt his heartbeat quicken regardless.

One thing was certain: he needed to get this under control before the wedding itself.

* * *

To his horror, he and Evan were ushered into what had become the bridal wing of Malfoy Manor the morning of the wedding. To be sure, Narcissa was his cousin (and Evan’s too, even if he and  _ Evan _ weren’t directly related), but Sirius had been allowed to stay home and arrive with the other guests, and all of the other boys in the wedding were in the groom’s wing.

Anxiety swirled deep in his gut, telling him that Narcissa  _ knew _ , somehow, as he and Evan walked down the hall. He tried to reason with himself – he’d given Narcissa no reason to be suspicious. She’d always favoured him, and he really didn’t get along very well with Lucius Malfoy, so why would he be in the groom’s wing?

And as for Evan – well, Regulus wasn’t sure why Evan was there, except as a clue from Narcissa to encourage Regulus to make proper Pureblood friends. Evan wasn’t like Max; he didn’t throw an arm around his shoulder or hold his hand or otherwise try to be physically close to him. He walked with intent, and with six inches of space between himself and Regulus.

He acted, Regulus realised, like he hadn’t spent the past seven months flirting endlessly with him whenever he saw him. Like a proper pureblood son ought to act.

They were admitted into a small room where their robes hung, ready to put on, and the door was shut behind them. Evan’s eyes sweeped the room, as did Regulus’s, and Evan, coming to the same conclusion as Regulus doubtlessly did (that there were no portraits in this room; no one to spy on them) turned to him and grinned. “Wanna snog?”

Regulus stepped away.  _ “No,” _ he said. “I’ve told you before.”

Evan laughed and shrugged. “Can’t blame me for trying,” he said as he stripped down to his pants. Regulus looked determinedly at the pattern on the wallpaper. “It’s no fun if you don’t look,” Evan said.

“It’s not  _ meant _ to be fun,” Regulus said. “We’re preparing for Cissa’s wedding.” To demonstrate his point, he undressed deliberately and changed into his own dress robes. He was aware of Evan’s eyes on him the entire time. It made him feel self-conscious, but he knew he couldn’t dare look at Evan to see what sort of expression he had on his face. Evan didn’t touch him, at least, which was a relief, because Regulus wasn’t sure how he’d react.

He buttoned up his robes and glanced over to Evan, who was still just in his pants. Not that Regulus really  _ looked. _ He certainly didn’t spare a second glance to see if he was imagining Evan’s boner.

“Really?” he asked.

“Got you to look, didn’t I?” Evan asked with a wink. He threw on his own robes, and Regulus examined his fingernails, trying to seem blasé. “I was serious when I said I fancied you,” Evan said as he buttoned his robes. “I wouldn’t lie about that. Whatever you want – if you want it to just be physical, or a full-fledged  _ affaire de cœur –  _ I’m up for anything. As discreet or public as you’d like.”

“I’m not interested in any of that, Evan,” Regulus said. “I like  _ girls _ .” 

Evan laughed. “Sure you do. Do you believe yourself yet?”

He didn’t, but he didn’t tell Evan that. “I do,” he lied. “Because it’s the truth.”

“I wouldn’t tell anyone,” Evan said. “I know Cissa expects me to write back on you – which isn’t difficult, because I’m always paying mind to you, anyway – but I wouldn’t tell her about us.”

It was the first thing Evan had said that had been delivered with any sort of gravity, and it unsettled Regulus deeply. Did Evan genuinely want to be with him? But it didn’t matter if he did, Regulus reminded himself, because he had duties to fulfil, and while Evan’s parents might forgive a dalliance or two provided he marry the right witch… Regulus knew his own parents wouldn’t be nearly as forgiving.

And if he were going to be with another wizard, he was sure he could do better than Evan Rosier. Charming though he may be. And handsome.

“We should see if Cissa needs anything,” Regulus said, ignoring Evan’s statement.

* * *

Narcissa did look absolutely stunning. She was already in her pristine white, designer dress robes when Regulus and Evan knocked at the door. Bellatrix let them in, coupe of champagne in hand. Regulus wasn’t sure whether she’d be less or more terrifying while she’d been drinking.

“Cissy, the girls are here!” she called.

“Oh, don’t call them that, Bella!” Narcissa called from deeper inside the room. “Come in, boys!”

Bellatrix stepped aside and allowed Regulus and Evan to enter. He didn’t like the look Bellatrix was giving them, and made a note to ask Evan if Bellatrix made him uncomfortable, too. After all, it was hardly just him, right? (And Sirius, but Sirius antagonised everyone in their family, so he hardly counted in that).

“Oh, don’t you both look handsome?” Narcissa said when she saw them.

“Thank you, Cissa,” Regulus said, preening a bit. “You look absolutely lovely.”

She smiled. “Thank you, Reg, darling. I’m just so happy, truthfully. In a matter of mere hours, I’ll be Mrs. Lucius Malfoy.”

The idea horrified Regulus, but he kept the smile plastered on his face. This was Narcissa’s day; it wasn’t time for him to think about how miserable this all would make him when it was inevitably his turn. She was happy. Perhaps he could be, too.

A stylist worked at Narcissa’s hair as she drank champagne and made small talk. She asked Regulus and Evan about school, Quidditch, and Slug Club. Regulus asked her about her honeymoon plans, and Narcissa began to gush.

The plans sounded ostentatious and horrible – far too much to do in too short a period of time, but she sounded excited. “I know this is the happiest day of my life, but I truly can’t wait to be alone with Lucius.”

Over Narcissa’s shoulder, Evan pulled a face, and Regulus fought back a smile.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few people want to have a talk with Regulus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and an update! sorry for the delay, but we'll continue on Saturdays from here on out.

“ _Please_ tell me that you’re not interested in _Evan Rosier,_ baby brother,” Sirius drawled.

Regulus nearly jumped. Evan had left to go get more punch only seconds before, and Sirius had appeared out of nowhere. _Did_ he have an Invisibility Cloak? All these years, Regulus had thought it belonged to one of Sirius’s friends; surely he’d have noticed if _Sirius_ had one. “I-I, no, of course not!” he lied.

Sirius rolled his eyes and looked over to where Evan was by the punch, talking to a Malfoy cousin. “He’s _not_ just teasing you. You know that, right?”

“What do you mean?” Regulus asked.

Sirius stepped close and whispered in Regulus’s ear, “Dearborn caught him snogging Crouch in a broom cupboard last year.”

“He already _told_ me he’s interested in wizards,” Regulus said. “He’s been insufferable, really, but I’ve got to play nice, especially with everyone here.”

“He’s dangerous,” Sirius said. “Even if his intentions toward you are somehow pure – and I doubt they are – you know exactly who his father is.” He did, and Regulus didn’t want to date the son of a Death Eater any more than Sirius wanted him to, especially with everything going on.

“Of course I do,” Regulus said. “I’m not _interested_ in boys,” he lied, although he had a feeling that Sirius could see through him.

“Sure,” Sirius said. “I’m not going to stop you from making your own mistakes, but maybe go with Scamander instead of Rosier.”

“Max and I are _just friends_ ,” Regulus insisted, suddenly angry. “That’s it! That’s all we’ll ever be! I don't know why you're so caught up in that stupid idea.”

Sirius shrugged, “I see the way you look at each other.”

“We look at each other like we’re friends,” Regulus said. “Because we are.”

“If you say so.”

“I do,” Regulus said. “Haven’t you got something better to do than antagonise me at Cissa’s wedding, anyway? Much as I’m sure she appreciates you not making a _complete_ scene.”

Sirius huffed. “I’m just trying to help, you know.”

“Perhaps I don’t need your help,” Regulus said stiffly. “You can’t all but ignore me all year and then try to needle me into an argument under the pretense of caring about me.”

“I _do_ care about you,” Sirius said.

“Then can you stop acting as if you’ve any idea what’s going on inside my head? I’ve told you a million times that I’m not interested in boys, and that Max and I are just friends – because we are – and you insist on trying to bait me into saying either of those things aren’t true – which they are. It’s annoying.”

“Fine,” Sirius said, pulling a face. “I didn’t realise my very presence annoyed you so much in front of our loving family. I’ll leave you alone.”

Regulus knew he ought to say something, but he didn’t. He only watched as Sirius stalked off.

* * *

Sirius must’ve spoken to Uncle Alphard, because he accosted Regulus scarcely ten minutes after Sirius had walked away. “Regulus, my boy, why don’t we get some fresh air?”

Regulus knew he could argue; he knew that his uncle wouldn’t force him to speak with him, but he wanted to show him that there was nothing to be worried about at all. He glanced over his uncle’s shoulder and saw Dorian Rosier talking to Abraxas Malfoy. At least Evan wasn’t getting a similar talk. That would seem entirely too suspicious.

“Okay,” Regulus agreed.

He followed his uncle outside to the gardens, and to a secluded spot. He’d always liked his Uncle Alphard – he was, truthfully, the one Black adult he suspected genuinely cared for him. That didn’t mean, however, that he wanted to have this discussion.

Once they were alone, Uncle Alphard cast the appropriate charms to ward off any eavesdroppers, and said, “I noticed you talking to Evan Rosier.”

So it was exactly the sort of talk Regulus had been anticipating. “Trust me, Uncle Alphard, whatever you’re assuming is incorrect.”

“I would have said the same at your age,” Uncle Alphard said. “I see a lot of myself in you, you know.”

“Then you’ll know that there’s no danger of anything untoward between myself and Evan.”

Uncle Alphard hesitated, like he was trying to find the right words. “Regulus, I’m going to be frank with you, because I feel like you deserve it.”

“Okay,” Regulus said.

“When I was your age – almost exactly – I found myself in a similar situation with Evan’s father. I wasn’t truthfully aware of what I was going through, but I knew that I found Dorian captivating.”

“I don’t find Evan Rosier _captivating_ ,” Regulus argued. Sure, he could admit to himself (and _only_ to himself) that he was _attracted_ to Evan. But he wasn’t _captivated_ by him.

“It certainly looks that way,” Uncle Alphard said. “You’ve been by each other’s side all day and all evening.”

“Because he’s not leaving my side.”

“Regulus,” Uncle Alphard said, “You do know that I’m gay, don’t you?”

Regulus nodded. He hadn’t _known,_ as such, but he’d long suspected.

“I made the mistake of finding myself head over heels in love with Dorian Rosier. I didn’t realise what I was doing until it was too late, and to be sure, we had a few years together – until his parents arranged for him to marry. Evan will do the same.”

“I know Evan will marry a witch,” Regulus said, “he’s told me that much himself. And I haven’t – I’m not _interested_ in him like that. I just thought it would be best if I didn’t spend too much time with Sirius, and typically, I’d gravitate toward Narcissa, but this is _her_ wedding, and Evan is decent enough company.” Most of it was a lie, but it fell easily off of his tongue. He didn’t deny being gay, because he wasn’t sure he could. Not to Uncle Alphard, at least.

“If you must be with another wizard,” Uncle Alphard said, dropping his voice, “be sure it’s someone who won’t leave you to carry on the family line.”

Regulus frowned. “Shouldn’t you be convincing _me_ to carry on _our_ family line?” Everyone else certainly did. After all, Uncle Alphard knew as well as anyone else that Sirius would never do so, heir though he may be.

“Not at the expense of you being able to be who you are. I expect when your parents realise… there will be pressure for me to marry, and I’ve stayed in the family this long.”

He knew this was the point where he should assure his uncle that he wasn’t gay; that he liked witches. He didn’t. He didn’t ask what his uncle meant by his statement, either. He didn’t say anything.

“Regulus, I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did. Don’t get involved with Evan Rosier. Find a nice wizard – or witch, I suppose,” he added and Regulus wondered how transparent he was, “who loves you. If you fall in love with a pureblood witch to carry on the family line, all the better, but if you don’t… the society we live in is stagnating, and you shouldn’t deny who you are to carry on thousand year old traditions.”

“It sounds like you’ve read too much Cassius Warbeck, Uncle Alphard.”

There was a glint in Alphard’s eye, then. “Didn’t you ever wonder how Warbeck knew about our bad nerves? Or any number of other Black family secrets? Or why Dorian was the only character who shared a name with an actual person?”

There were any number of things Regulus could have asked, then, about his uncle and his political views and his position in the family, so he had no idea why the question he asked was, “Is Patroclus gay? Because my friend Max reckons he is.”

Uncle Alphard actually laughed. “Is your friend Max gay?”

Regulus shifted. “You don’t have to answer,” he said. He wasn’t even sure if he was _allowed_ to tell other people about Max. “Not that I’d tell anyone you’re him.”

“Patroclus is gay,” Uncle Alphard said. “As are Castor and Dorian both. Castor’s experiences are almost entirely my own, covered with as thin a veneer of plausible deniability as I could manage.”

“Are Castor and Dorian going to stay split up, then, or are they going to get back together?” Regulus asked.

“Someone like Dorian wouldn’t end his family line for something as trivial as love,” Uncle Alphard said. “And neither would Evan. Something you’d do well to note.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a fan favourite reappears!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regulus sees his friends again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fourth year is... different.

It was, as always, a relief to see his friends again on board the Hogwarts Express. He didn’t even mind that it wasn’t just Max and Isaac in the compartment, but Emmeline and Dirk as well. At least here, he was away from Evan Rosier. Evan, after all, would never deign to spend time in the company of a Hufflepuff, especially a Muggleborn one like Dirk.

Regulus tried not to feel disappointed when Max didn’t immediately jump up to hug him like he had virtually each time before. He was sure it was nothing, even if they hadn’t seen each other since June, when the Hogwarts Expression had taken them back to London. “How were your hols?” Max asked as Regulus settled in next to him.

Regulus shrugged. He wasn’t sure how to say ‘my entire family knows I’m gay – because I am, by the way – and Evan Rosier wouldn’t leave me alone all summer, which I actually didn’t completely hate because some part of me really does want to snog him, and Narcissa was away almost all summer on honeymoon, and Sirius spent half his time sneaking over to Potter’s, while I had half a dozen panic attacks because if I don’t manage to control this, I’ll be disowned’ without admitting that he was gay.

It wasn’t that he thought his friends would take issue with it – quite the opposite; Max and Emmeline were both gay, and Regulus rather thought Isaac had figured it out already, and Dirk… well, he knew that Emmeline was gay, and they were best friends, even if Regulus wasn’t quite sure if Dirk considered _him_ a friend..

But none of them understood that he had a family name to live up to, and even after everything his parents had done, he knew he didn’t have it in him to be the one to end the family line. His friends, however supportive he knew they would be, wouldn’t be of any help with that.

So instead of address all that, he shrugged and said, “It was okay. Narcissa got married, and my mother kept inviting the Rosiers over. I think Narcissa spoke to her about her wonderful idea to foster a friendship between myself and Evan Rosier.”

Dirk snorted. “Somehow, I don’t think friendship is what Rosier has in mind. I’ve seen him at Slug Club.”

Max pulled a face. “Dirk’s right. He’s – he’s not subtle. I mean, he’s even outright admitted that he fancies you.”

“Well,” Regulus said, “I don’t fancy him.” Which wasn’t technically a lie. He didn’t want to _date_ Evan – he just wanted to shove him against a wall and snog him senseless, and then walk away like nothing had happened. What he felt for Evan was purely sexual; there were absolutely no romantic feelings involved.

“Good,” Max said, which made Regulus’s heart sputter a little, although he wasn’t sure why. “He’s _terribly_ racist.”

“He is,” Regulus agreed. “And while I might have to pretend otherwise to my parents, it’s not as if I remotely agree with any of that.”

This would be the point, typically, where Max would throw an arm around him, but he didn’t. Regulus tried not to feel disappointed. It wasn’t like it meant anything. “I see Isaac and I have done a fine job at corrupting the last heir to the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black.”

“It’s the Most Ancient and Noble, actually,” Regulus said. “Ancient comes first, because even the Malfoys pretend they’re noble.”

“Are the Malfoys not Pureblood?” Dirk asked.

Regulus shrugged. “Technically, I suppose. We all know a Malfoy – or someone close to one – wrote the list of the Sacred Twenty-Eight, though, because they don’t disown squibs or blood traitors, so… there are Half-Blood Malfoys on their family tree.”

“And the likes of the Blacks and Rosiers would never allow such a thing,” Isaac drawled.

“I’m not saying I agree with it,” Regulus said, “because I don’t. But within Pureblood circles, it’s… very clear that the Malfoys have more money than sense, and that they don’t fully ascribe to the ideals most Purebloods do. But don’t think that makes them better than the rest of us, because all they care about is maximizing profits and influencing politics to fit their needs.”

“How’d your cousin get _permission_ to marry a Malfoy, then?” Max asked.

“She’s madly in love with him, and she’s always gotten whatever she wanted. After Andromeda – and after my Uncle Alphard, too, and Sirius – I suspect her parents were just relieved that she wanted to marry a Pureblood wizard.”

“Sorry, forgive me, I’m not up to date on Pureblood politics,” Dirk said. “Why would that…? I mean, I’ve heard about – about your cousin. Her husband was a Hufflepuff, and there’s been some… gossip that you or your brother might do the same.”

“I wouldn’t,” Regulus said, more out of reflex than anything else. He _couldn’t_. “But Sirius will run off with a man the moment he turns seventeen – probably a Muggleborn, if not an outright Muggle, just to piss our parents off.”

“I think Sirius would be inconsolable if he fell for another Pureblood,” Isaac said.

“Oh, definitely,” Regulus agreed. “But as for my Uncle Alphard – he’s gay. Used to be with, er, Evan Rosier’s father. Might still be with him? Like an affair, or something. I dunno. Dorian Rosier’s been married longer than I’ve been alive, but by all accounts, he never wanted to. It was family duty. Uncle Alphard’s only not been forced to marry because Sirius and I exist.” And if he ever left the family, his uncle would be forced to marry and have children.

“So he is actually gay?” Max asked.

“Told me so himself,” Regulus said, “not that it’s not an open secret.”

“Why would he tell you?”

Regulus shrugged. “He noticed Evan flirting relentlessly with me, and me not… hexing him, or whatever Sirius would’ve done. It’s not as if I was about to make a scene at Narcissa’s wedding. But anyway, the point is that Narcissa’s parents were most likely just delighted that she not only was sorted into Slytherin, but that she actively wanted to marry a Pureblood wizard. Even if he _is_ a Malfoy – he was a Slytherin, and even the Malfoys are held in higher esteem than families like the Weasleys.”

“That sounds _exhausting_ ,” Max said.

“It is,” Regulus agreed.

“Think Rosier’s dad talked to him about it?” Isaac asked. “I mean, if your uncle noticed…”

“I dunno,” Regulus said. “I don’t think – his dad doesn’t care, not as long as he marries a Pureblood witch in the end.”

“How progressive,” Emmeline quipped.

“Don’t make me feel bad for Evan Rosier,” Regulus said. “You know as well as I do what a horrid racist he is. And it’s not – as if you can’t… unlearn it. But he’s not willing – he spends all his time with Mulciber and Avery and Snape.”

“That’s true,” Emmeline said. “But it’s still a rubbish way to think – do what you want as long as you do what we want in the end.”

Regulus almost wished his own parents felt that way, but he knew enough by now to know that voicing such a thought would only get him sympathy – and he wasn’t in the mood for that. Not with Max acting weird again. “It is,” he agreed. “But I rather think – we’ve spent enough time discussing Slytherins.”

“I couldn’t agree more,” Max said.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those keeping track, no, Max did not touch Regulus _once_ in this chapter (and he has reasons for that).


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regulus gets some good news and talks to his friends

It was Prewett’s seventh year, and she made sure everyone knew it at Quidditch tryouts. “This needs to be the best team Ravenclaw has ever seen.”

Regulus wished he were in bed, or at least with his friends, but they’d gone home for Rosh Hashanah, and wouldn’t be back until dinner on Monday. He could talk to Emmeline and Dirk about it, he supposed.

He knew his place was secure, but he went through the tryouts as Prewett asked. He almost felt a little bad about beating out a second year, but he needed to stay on the team. Prewett pulled him aside after tryouts, and he willed down his anxiety.

“I’m going to talk to Flitwick about making you captain next year,” she said. 

“Captain?” he repeated. That certainly hadn’t been what he’d expected – he’d half expected to be told he was off the team.

She nodded and took her coppery hair out of the ponytail she always kept it in when flying. “I think you’ve got it in you.”

Well, he was certain Isaac would be made Prefect, and he did love Quidditch. “Thank you.”

“I think – maybe this isn’t my place, Black, but I think you’ve got a real talent for this. You could make a career out of it, if you want.”

A career out of Quidditch. His parents would kill him (but he was gay – wouldn’t they disown him, anyway?). “I – thanks,” he said.

“I’m trying to go for the Harpies,” Prewett said, “so if you do make it – know I won’t go easy on you when we meet on the pitch.”

He grinned. “I wouldn’t expect any less.”

* * *

He wanted to talk to Max about this, or Isaac, but they were both most likely sitting in a synagogue right now, so he found Emmeline and Dirk instead. They were sitting in the courtyard, poring over a book.

They didn’t see him approach, so he cleared his throat when he was close enough.

Emmeline looked up and smiled. “Reg! Hey! Come, sit with us! We’re just – Dirk is trying to teach himself Gobbledygook.”

“I – why?”

“It’s a useful language,” Dirk said. “Slughorn reckons with my skill for languages – since, y’know, I’m already fluent in English and Welsh – they need people who can communicate with Goblins on their own ground.”

“Well,” Regulus said, thinking about it. “I suppose it’s probably more useful than French or German. At least within the Ministry. Prewett – said I should play professionally. Quidditch.”

“You’re good,” Emmeline agreed. “I’m sure a team would take you.”

“My parents would be furious,” Regulus said. “Quidditch players are – common. It’s all well and good to play in school – helps you gain status, at least – but professionally… they’d never let me.”

“After you turn seventeen, what would it even matter?” Emmeline asked.

“They can still disown me,” Regulus said. “My cousin Andromeda was seventeen – granted, she ran off with a Muggleborn, which was – a lot more extreme than picking a career my parents hate, but – they’ve done it before.”

“If you’re making professional Quidditch player money, what does it matter if they disown you?” Emmeline asked. “You hate your parents.”

“But I don’t hate my cousin Narcissa or my Uncle Alphard, and I’ve got a family name to uphold.”

“You’re in Ravenclaw, and you’re sat talking to a lesbian Half-Blood and a Muggleborn,” Dirk said.

“That’s – different,” Regulus said, although he really wasn’t sure how it was. “Like I’ve said before, there’s a way to – balance it all. I’ve just got to figure out how. Marry the right witch, have proper pureblood children…”

“Support You-Know-Who…” Dirk continued.

“I haven’t got to – my uncle doesn’t.” His uncle was Cassius Warbeck – or at least that was his nom de plume – and Regulus realised he’d forgotten to tell his friends. He was sure Uncle Alphard wouldn’t mind if Max and Isaac knew, at least.

“Your uncle is still in love with Rosier’s dad, isn’t he?” Emmeline asked. “That doesn’t exactly scream  _ neutral, _ Reg.”

“Stop saying his name,” Regulus said, “I swear he has some sort of taboo, or something.”

“Who?” Emmeline asked. “Rosier? He might fancy you, but just tell him you think Dirk’s as much of a wizard as he is, and he’ll leave you alone.”

“No, he won’t,” Regulus said. “He’ll laugh about how cute and naïve he thinks that is, and then ask me to snog him. He’s insufferable. Nothing I do will convince him.”

“I assume you’ve tried telling him you’re straight?”

“About a dozen times,” Regulus said. “He – refuses to believe me.” And, well, it wasn’t as if he could blame Evan in  _ that _ , at least. He was sure that Emmeline didn’t believe him, either.

“I’d offer to fake date you to get him off your back,” Emmeline said, “but he already knows I’m a lesbian.”

“And you’re a Half-Blood, and my parents might well have an aneurysm if they thought I was serious about it. Rosier’s the one who ferries reports to Narcissa on me – told me himself. He’d definitely write if he believed I were dating a Half-Blood, and I’d – I could get disowned.” Or worse. His parents ignoring him hurt, but he was certain that hexes and dark magic would hurt worse.

“That’s a bit harsh,” Dirk said.

Regulus shrugged. “That’s my family.”

“How’s Sirius gotten away with it?”

He hadn’t. But Regulus knew better than to say that, so he shrugged again. “He’s always been – rebellious. They sort of – expect it from him. I think – he’s just waiting for me to be old enough to get out of their house before he does something that pushes them to disown him.”

He didn’t realise until that moment – when Emmeline and Dirk stared blankly at him – how grateful he was for Isaac’s constant snark. Even Max – while Max knew by now how to tell when he was truly upset, he also knew not to take these sorts of comments too seriously – he’d even shrug and crack a joke at that.

“It’s fine,” Regulus said, feeling suddenly self-conscious. “So, er, Gobbledygook, yeah?”

* * *

He hugged Max and Isaac both on Monday after dinner, in their dormitory. “Emmeline and Dirk might think my parents are trying to kill Sirius and I.”

“Why would they think that?” Isaac asked. He settled in on his bed with a book.

“I might have – made a joke, offhand, about Sirius biding his time until I turn seventeen to get disowned, and they – took it a bit too seriously.”

“I mean,” Isaac said. “I don’t think it’s untrue.”

“Well – no,” Regulus agreed. “But I’ll get my own flat, and I’ll be fine.”

“They’re not really used to dealing with – families like yours,” Max said. He settled in on his own bed, which made Regulus feel strangely lonely, so he climbed in next to him and rested his head on Max’s shoulder.

“No,” Isaac agreed. “They think my parents are unduly strict.”

“But your parents are absolutely lovely,” Regulus said.

“Oh, I agree,” Isaac said. “I mean – all right, I’m fourteen, not eleven, and I’d appreciate a bit more freedom, but there’s nothing  _ nasty _ in them being a little overprotective. And I’m allowed to go anywhere as long as I’m not alone.”

Max wrapped his arm around Regulus’s shoulder after a moment. Regulus felt a considerable amount of tension melt away at the action. “I know my parents are – awful,” he said. “To put it lightly, but I’m – there’s nothing to be done about it, besides wait until I’m old enough to move out.”

That and find a proper Pureblood witch to marry, miserable as the idea made him. And probably never get on a broom again once he’d graduated Hogwarts. But it would be fine. Because it had to be fine.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regulus talks to Max.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is... a Lot.

The following week, after Max and Isaac had returned to Hogwarts after having left for Yom Kippur, Isaac sequestered himself in the library to catch up on the work he’d missed, leaving Max and Regulus alone in the dormitory.

“I don’t know how he can think,” Max said as they lay together in his bed. They were meant to be studying, but their textbooks and notes lay strewn around the bed. “My brain is still all fuzzy. I think I spent – the entire service up to Yizkor staring at one of the musicians.”

Regulus didn’t ask  _ how _ Max stared at this musician – whether it was a blank stare or something more – nor did he ask what Yizkor was, or even if the musician was a witch or a wizard. The idea of Max staring lustfully at another boy – or even a man – made something deep within him feel uncomfortable. But that was ridiculous, and, he knew, probably homophobic. Max was his  _ friend, _ and – Regulus was gay, too, wasn’t he? Perhaps, then, he was just jealous that Max  _ could _ stare. 

Regulus, out of habit more than anything else, reached a hand out and started carding his fingers through Max’s hair. Max stiffened at his touch, and Regulus tried not feel jilted. Why should he feel jilted? “What is it?”

“You know I’m gay, right?” Max asked, his eyes meeting Regulus’s. They were so very blue; Regulus found himself temporarily transfixed.

“Yeah,” Regulus said after what was probably too long a pause. “What’s that have to do with this?”

“I… you know that means I want to… be with other boys?”

“Max, funnily enough, I’m aware of what being gay means.” Because he was, too, and it would be so easy to tell Max, wouldn’t it? Just say it, and Max would understand. 

“And you still want to… touch me, like that?” Max asked. “Knowing that I want to kiss and hold other boys?”

“Sure,” Regulus said. “You’re my  _ best friend _ , Max.” And they were both gay, after all. “It’s not as if we’re… doing anything inappropriate.”

“You don’t think I’ll… make it inappropriate?”

“No; of course not,” Regulus said, which was the truth. “But if it makes _you_ uncomfortable, we don’t have to…”

“I want to,” Max said. “But it’s… different, just the two of us. More intimate, somehow, without Isaac here, and I just thought… I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, or want you to think that I’m somehow… that this is… more than it is. Because you’re my best friend, Reg.”

Max’s words felt, somehow, like a hex to the gut, and Regulus didn’t know why. He didn’t understand why Max was making such a big deal of this. Did Max not  _ want _ to touch him anymore? He said he did, but who knew if that was true? Or worse, could he tell that Regulus was gay, too, and that made  _ him _ uncomfortable? Was he making Max uncomfortable? The thought made him feel terribly guilty, but he didn’t know how to address it. Max was his best friend. 

“I’m not uncomfortable,” Regulus said. “I meant what I said last term – it really does make me more uncomfortable to think that you’re  _ avoiding _ – touching me.”

Max bit his lip. “Okay.”

“I don’t see – why it needs to change anything about how we interact with each other,” Regulus continued. “You’re gay, and that’s great, but I don’t see why that means – we should touch each other less, or compliment each other less. You’ve always been gay.” And so had he, really, and he knew he should tell Max. That if anyone could help, it would be Max.

“But you haven’t always  _ known _ I’m gay. And I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“You won’t,” Regulus promised. “Anything we’ve done before is perfectly all right with me.”

“Okay,” Max said. He shifted, then, to rest his head on Regulus’s chest. “This okay?”

“Of course,” Regulus said. He tried to ignore how pleasantly warm he felt at this, really. Max was his best friend. It was only natural to feel happy and warm when Max was affectionate with him.

* * *

The first month of Regulus’s fourth year ended with a bang.

Literally.

Sirius and his boyfriend broke up  _ very _ publicly one evening at dinner, in front of the entire school. Regulus wished, for the first time in years, that he were a Slytherin, just for that night, so he could be further removed from the drama.

Sirius and Aubrey started shouting at each other, and Regulus tried to focus on his dinner rather than his brother. Hearing Sirius shout reminded him too much of home, and Max must’ve realised how anxious and tense it made him, because he rolled his eyes, took Regulus by the hand, and led him out of the Great Hall.

“Come on,” Max said as he led him down to the basement. “My brother told me how to get into the kitchens, and you don’t need to listen to that.”

Regulus realised after a moment that Max and Isaac’s blasé attitude whenever Regulus brought up his home life wasn’t because they thought it was normal. They realised, as surely as he did, that it was deeply abnormal, and had simply caught on to how anxious it made him when people were visibly concerned.

He felt a rush of warmth at the thought. Max held tight to his hand until they got to a still life of a bowl of fruit, and stopped to tickle the pear. He breathed a sigh of relief when it chuckled and turned into a door handle, which he opened. “I was half afraid Jake was making that up.”

Max pulled him into the room, which looked almost identical to the Great Hall. It was full of House Elves, and Max found one that didn’t look too busy. “Excuse me?”

The Elf bowed low. “How can we be of help to you?”

Max hesitated and looked to Regulus. Regulus realised, then, that Max had likely never met a House Elf before. “This is normal,” he said to Max. He turned to the Elf. “I, er, I had to – leave dinner a bit early, and I didn’t realise I was still hungry. Max, too. Could we get something to eat? Max doesn’t eat meat, is the only thing.”

Several Elves ran up to them with food. The choice was a little overwhelming – he was used to Kreacher going above and beyond for him, but not a dozen House Elves he’d never even met.

Regulus thanked them, and he and Max took what they wanted and went up to their dormitory.

“You okay?” Max asked once they were sat together in his bed with a veritable feast between them.

Regulus shrugged and bit into a cream puff. “Just didn’t expect to – see and hear that.”

“You know, if you ever want to talk…”

“I know,” Regulus said. “Thank you. I mean it. I’d have – sometimes it gets… well, my nerves get to me.”

“You looked like you were on the verge of a panic attack,” Max said. His tone was light, but Regulus caught on to the underlying tension. Max was  _ worried  _ about him, and he’d just learned better than to show it outright.

Regulus shrugged. “It happens.”

“Does that – happen at home, Reg?”

Regulus went for some chips instead of replying. It did, but he didn’t know how to tell Max that much without him getting very concerned. He glanced over at Max. Well, perhaps it was a bit too late for that. “Sometimes,” he said, once he’d swallowed his chips. And sometimes he had panic attacks for reasons completely unrelated to his brother arguing with their parents. But there was no reason to worry Max further.

Max ate an eclair (Regulus averted his gaze), and then said, “Look, I just – I want to say this, just so you know the option’s there. I’m not trying to make any kind of assumptions. But –  _ if _ you need to get out, you know where to find me. My house is Warded, and my parents adore you. I mean they’ve actually – said as much themselves, before, that you’re always welcome if you need it.”

“Oh,” Regulus said. He didn’t know how to process that. “I – I really don’t want to get disowned, Max.”

“I know,” Max said. “But if you need it.”

He almost said it, then, that he was gay, too, but he stopped himself at the last second. He wasn’t going to let himself get disowned. He just needed to wait until he was seventeen, and then – well, he’d figure it out from there. “Thank you, Max. For – for everything.”

Max leaned in and kissed Regulus on the cheek. “I’d hug you, but my hands are all sticky from the sweets,” he said. “You’re my best friend. There’s no need to thank me. But you’re welcome.”

If Regulus blushed at that, well, it was just because – because he felt vulnerable, talking about Grimmauld Place with Max. That was it. There was nothing deeper to it than that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Isaac stayed in the Great Hall to watch how everything played out; he trusts Max to be able to handle it more delicately than he could.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regulus gets a letter from his father

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is maybe not the best chapter to start Pride month with but I'll make up for it with some fun AU stuff, I promise

Isaac came up to the dormitory a bit later than usual and flopped down on his bed. “You will  _ never _ believe what happened.”

“We left when Sirius started yelling,” Max said.

“I know,” Isaac said. He glanced over to Regulus, but didn’t say anything about his near panic attack. Good. Regulus didn’t know if he’d be able to handle it if  _ both _ of his friends were visibly concerned. “Well, Sirius and Aubrey broke up.”

“Kind of figured that one,” Max said. He held up the very last cream puff. “Split it?” he asked Regulus.

“You can have it,” Regulus said.

“Did you two eat sweets for dinner?” Isaac asked.

“We went to the kitchens, and this is what the House Elves gave us,” Max said, stuffing the last cream puff in his mouth in one go, which was a fairly impressive feat.

“Anyway,” Regulus said. “Was that it?”

“God, no,” Isaac said. “I mean, look, I was trying to eat at first, but then they started actually  _ duelling _ right in the Great Hall! In front of everyone! So, naturally, McGonagall and Flitwick and – well, all the professors, really – intervene, and issue detentions all around – at that point it was Sirius and Potter against Aubrey and Corner. Potter’s all ready to just take it, like they’re done, but then  _ Sirius _ – shoots this mad hex that makes Aubrey’s head just start swelling.”

Regulus and Max exchanged a look. Sirius really wasn’t any better at coping than Regulus was, really.

“McGonagall was so furious she took fifty points from Gryffindor. And then Potter made some dumb comment about Ravenclaws being big-headed, or, y’know, whatever, he’s a prick, and McGonagall took another ten. And they’ve got detention. I think – they’re actually in the negative now, or close, for House points. Of course – Flitwick also took points from Aubrey and Corner for duelling, but not nearly as many, and we can make them up in Charms in the morning.”

It hit Regulus then. “My brother publicly  _ broke up _ with Aubrey, right?”

“Yeah. It was quite difficult to miss.”

“My parents are going to kill him,” Regulus said.

“Didn’t they already know he was gay?” Max asked. “I mean, it’s not as if he’s been trying to hide it.”

“No,” Regulus said. “They didn’t know. But they will now – I’m sure enough Slytherins will write their parents and word will get round to ours.” And he’d be put on the spot for not outing Sirius to them.

“You already weren’t going to go home until summer, right?” Max asked. 

Regulus shrugged. “I wasn’t planning on it.”

“Then I’ll stay for winter break, at least. It’s not as if it coincides with Chanukah this year, anyway, and my parents will understand.”

“Max, I couldn’t ask you to…”

“Good thing you’re not asking me to, and I’m offering, isn’t it? And we’ll see if you can come to mine for Passover, at least. Without seeing your parents. Isaac’s parents would probably make you ask, but I don’t think mine will.”

“I don’t know if that’s possible,” Regulus said.

“Nor do I, but we’ll ask Professor Flitwick about it.”

* * *

The next day, at breakfast, the family owl dropped off two letters – one at Regulus’s spot at the Ravenclaw table, and one at Sirius’s spot at the Gryffindor table.

Regulus glanced over his shoulder to see if Sirius had gotten another Howler, and felt quietly relieved when he saw it was just a normal letter. That didn’t mean that his anxiety didn’t start clawing at him when he looked at the letter the owl had dropped off for him.

“I’m in trouble for not outing him,” Regulus said with one glance at the letter. It was his father’s handwriting. His father only wrote when his mother was too emotional (read: angry and violent) to hold a quill, and he didn’t want to cause a scene by letting her send a Howler.

“Tell them you didn’t know,” Max said. 

“Kind of hard to do that when the whole school knows.”

“Tell them you found out when the rest of the school did,” Isaac suggested. “It’s not an absurd idea that Sirius might’ve hid it from you so you couldn’t get in trouble for not outing him. I mean, I'd do something like that for Miri.”

“Something you want to tell us, Isaac?” Max asked.

Isaac rolled his eyes. “I’m speaking hypothetically. I’m not gay, and I really don’t think my parents would care at all if any of us were – they haven’t treated my cousin any differently since she’s come out, and I know they’ve got gay friends. But if I could get in trouble for something, and Miri’d get in trouble for not telling, I wouldn’t necessarily share that with her. Not that that’s stopped David from running around with goyische girls like no one at this school knows our parents, but – you get my point.”

“Maybe,” Regulus said. He swallowed down his anxiety and opened the letter. Reading it, it was the standard reproach – cold as his father ever was. Regulus was a disappointment to the family – should have told his parents the second he suspected his brother was a degenerate. That was the word his father used, and he felt his anxiety swell as he read it.

It was Isaac who tore the letter out of his hand. “You really don’t need to read this,” he said.

“Right,” Max agreed. 

“But I do,” Regulus argued. “If I don’t – pay attention… they’ll know I’m not reading their letters.”

“Do they have some special enchantment on the parchment to know if it’s been touched by dirty Half-Blood hands?” Isaac asked.

“Of course not; don’t be absurd.”

“Then I’ll read it and tell you what it says,” Isaac said. “Max is too close to the – situation, being gay, and all, and I doubt your parents are going to go easy on the homophobic bollocks.”

“You sure you don’t want a calming draught?” Max asked.

Regulus shook his head. “I’m fine. Isaac, just tell me what the letter says.”

“I’m not going to do that in front of the whole school. We’ll do it after breakfast. Go somewhere private. Now eat.”

Regulus wanted to argue, but he knew it wouldn’t be worth it. Isaac could be dead stubborn when he wanted to be. Max, he could probably press into at least reading the letter then and there, if not giving it back to him instead. But not Isaac. “You’re too stubborn for a Ravenclaw,” Regulus said. “Should have been in Gryffindor with all the other pigs.”

Isaac grinned. “I’ll take that as a compliment.”

Isaac knew. That was the only explanation for it. Regulus had thought that Isaac  _ suspected, _ but now he was absolutely certain that Isaac knew he was gay. Of course, there was no one for him to talk through these anxieties with, because that would mean admitting it, and he wasn’t going to do that.

The three of them finished breakfast quickly and went to a spare classroom near the Charms classroom, so that they wouldn’t be late to class. Max locked the door behind them, and Isaac climbed up onto a desk and read the letter.

“Okay, so, yeah, they’re pissed you didn’t out Sirius – again, just tell them you didn’t know until last night; it’s not that far-fetched. I don’t – don’t  _ want _ to know what that word means – must be some Pureblood bollocks. They somehow think it’s your responsibility to ‘bring him in line’ – as if that would work. Do they really – do they really think he’s doing this to get a reaction from them?”

Regulus shrugged. “It wouldn’t surprise me. He did put up posters of Muggle girls in tiny swimsuits in his room at home, and you know as well as I do that he’s not – interested in girls, Muggle or otherwise.”

“But you said your uncle’s gay – how can they think that it’s – a choice? Not that I think Sirius would choose otherwise if it  _ were _ – but it’s not.”

“Frankly,” Regulus said without thinking, “I’m not sure my parents are actually capable of love – so what would they know? What does the rest of the letter say?”

He didn’t miss the look Isaac exchanged with Max. “Okay. Erm…” he skimmed the letter. “He, er, says no fewer than five times that you’re to marry a proper Pureblood witch when you come of age, lists a few options…”

“Who?” Regulus asked.

“What?”

“Who? If you won’t let me read it… I need to know who, because they’ll ask.”

“Er… Seraphina Greengrass, Euphrasie Rosier –  _ Rosier,  _ like Evan Rosier?”

“French branch; not a close relation,” Regulus said. “Met her over winter hols last year. She was aggressive. Anyone else?”

“Er, yeah. He even suggests Prewett – I mean, she’s fit.”

He thought, then, of Elizabeth Prewett, and tried not to pull a face. “I think she’d hex me if I so much as suggested anything between us. Besides – she’s a bit old for me.” And a witch, but he could admit to the age bit. 

“The point he’s trying to underscore, I think, is he’s clearly hinting around at disowning Sirius and making you heir proper. Says he expects straight O’s, too.”

“And he sends this to me right before classes, because that’s not going to distract me.” He wished he could just read the letter, but he knew Isaac wouldn’t let him. “Is there anything else?”

“Not that I can see. If –” he hesitated, looking to Max and then to Regulus. “If you still want to read it later, like, after dinner, you can. I just don’t think it’s a good idea before classes. And –  Reg, some of his language is really vile. I… I think if you want to read it, we should get a calming draught.”

“Fine,” Regulus agreed. “Let’s just – go to Charms.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reminder that Regulus's parents are The Worst


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regulus deals with the aftermath

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a fan favourite returns

Martin Corner caught Regulus on the way back from Quidditch practise the following week. “Black, can we talk?”

“I don’t know anything about my brother’s mental state, and I’m not responsible for his actions. I’m – sorry he attacked your friend, but… I really don’t want to get into this.”

“It’s just – Bert said he’d never seen Sirius that angry.”

Regulus had, but he didn’t want to think about it. “I don’t know,” he said. “I – really, I don’t want to get involved. I’m not trying to be rude, but – Sirius has caused me enough trouble, and I really don’t think I understand him better than anyone else. Maybe try asking Lupin or Pettigrew.”

“I don’t hold it against you, you know,” Martin said. “Not that I would, but – neither does Bert.”

“Well, my brother and I are totally different people,” Regulus said. There was a part of him that was curious to know why his brother had lashed out like he had, but he knew it was in his best interests to not get involved.

Besides, he had bigger things to worry about, like if Isaac was trying to convince all of his other friends that he was secretly gay (because there was no way Isaac didn’t know, and Regulus was sure he’d see it as helping).

* * *

Evan Rosier managed to wait until mid-October before cornering Regulus. Regulus had to tell himself that he very much minded this terrible inconvenience and didn't really just want Evan to kiss him, but that was a blatant lie. 

“Listen, I know we're not – friends,” Evan said during one Slug Club meeting when Max was distracted by Sluggy himself. “But I know your parents. They didn't react too badly to the whole… Sirius thing, did they?”

Was Evan actually  _ concerned _ for him? Regulus shook the thought from his head and shrugged. “I'm on thin ice for not outing him, and Father has made it clear I'm to carry on the family line.”

“You know,” Evan said, “I always sort of wondered if there were – potions for that, or maybe a spell. I mean, my dad’s not remotely interested in women, and there's no denying Felix and I are his biological sons. It might've just been his duty to close his eyes and think of –”

“My uncle?” Regulus ventured. 

Evan grinned. “I was going to say England, but you're probably closer. Still – it might be something to look into. With – everything.”

Regulus felt a rush of gratitude for the tip and wondered if it really would be so bad to kiss Evan right then and there when he was so close and handsome, but he steeled himself and said, “Evan, I  _ like _ witches.”

“You know,” Evan said, lowering his voice even more, “if, when we're thirty and both married with children, you want to have an affair, or something, I would absolutely take you up on that.”

“I'm not interested,” Regulus said, although he was sure Evan could hear his heart beating out of his chest. He couldn't let himself think like that. 

“I'm pretty sure that's what my dad and your uncle have,” Evan said. “Alphard comes over entirely too much for them to be just friends.”

“Evan,” Regulus said. “I'm not interested.” He glanced around the room and spotted Dirk talking to Lily. “And I'm going to go see if Evans has any word on what my parents wrote my brother.”

“He hasn't told you?”

“No,” Regulus said, which was actually the truth. He couldn't imagine it was good, or that Sirius was unaffected by it, and at the very least, Lily could ask Lupin. 

“It is terrible how they treat you, you know,” Evan said. “It's not your fault your brother is a pigheaded Gryffindor bully.”

“But it's my fault I'm a swotty Ravenclaw instead of an upstanding Slytherin,” Regulus said. 

“Ravenclaw’s not bad,” Evan said. “It's not  _ Slytherin,  _ but it's not bad.”

“Your father would be okay with you sharing a dorm with two Jewish Half-Bloods?”

“I didn't say that – especially since Scamander is gay. Which, I'm assuming, your parents also don't know.”

“You can't tell them, Evan,” Regulus said, dread setting in. “I don't know what they'd do, but it would be terrible and humiliating.”

“Oh, I wouldn't,” Evan said. “I don't give a fig if Scamander’s gay. I care that he's a Half-Blood who should've been in Hufflepuff, sure, but I don't care that he's  _ gay, _ so why would I tell your parents? It would only make you hate me.”

It was difficult, sometimes, for Regulus to parse that Evan seemed to legitimately have deep feelings for him. This was not one of those times, and he actually felt grateful for it. “I appreciate it, because I'd absolutely never forgive you for outing him to them. And – I really need to talk to Evans about Sirius.”

He did go talk to Lily and Dirk, but not about Sirius. “Can anyone tell me why Evan Rosier is so obsessed with me?” he asked in a whisper. 

Dirk glanced over to where Max was talking to Sluggy. “I'm sure Max would have some idea.”

“Dirk,” Lily chastised. She gave him a withering look and turned to smile at Regulus. “I think it's because you're not interested.”

“Well, that, and you're fit and clever. You have to admit – besides Snape, Crouch, and Rosier, none of the Slytherins are all that bright, are they?” Dirk asked. “And I know this is coming from a Hufflepuff, but I do value intelligence.”

“You think I'm – fit?” Regulus asked. 

Dirk exchanged a look with Lily that Regulus could clearly interpret:  _ can you believe this? _ “Mate, half the school fancies you.”

“W-well, I knew – about Rosier and Crouch and Greengrass, but that’s not – half the school.”

“That’s not the half of it,” Dirk said. “But I’m not going to go around outing people.”

_ “Outing _ – you mean other  _ blokes _ fancy me?”

Dirk had a strange expression on his face, and Regulus wondered if he’d been too obvious. But it was laughable, the idea that a decent boy might actually fancy him. It was better that way, too, because that way – well, if his best option was Evan Rosier, he’d be less tempted to take Max up on his offer and listen to Uncle Alphard’s advice and leave the family line to die out.

“Loads of them,” Dirk said. “I’m not going to go naming names, but Isaac probably will if you ask him.”

“Isaac?” He knew, of course, that Isaac knew he was gay, but he didn’t think Isaac had ever shown any signs of  _ fancying _ him.

“Oh, he doesn’t fancy you,” Dirk said. “But he’d be more willing to tell you who does.”

“It’s not a  _ problem _ if other boys fancy you, is it?” Lily asked in a tone that just dared him to disagree.

“Of course not,” Regulus said honestly. “Look, my best friend  _ and _ my brother are gay. I’m not – why would I ever have a problem with that? It’s just – no one besides Rosier or Crouch has acted like they’re interested, so it’s – surprising.”

Dirk and Lily exchanged another look.

“I dunno,” Lily said, “I think some of them are pretty obvious.”

“A few for sure,” Dirk agreed with a less than subtle glance over to where Max was  _ still _ talking to Slughorn. But that was absurd – Max couldn’t fancy  _ him! _ He was – he had far too many issues, and Max knew that better than anyone. Max was just… like that, with his friends. Affectionate. Kind. Loyal. Adorable.

“It’s all a moot point,” Regulus said, “because I’m not – interested in dating other boys.” Which wasn’t totally a lie. Sure, he was technically  _ interested, _ but he had no  _ intentions _ of ever dating another boy. He’d deal with it, because he wasn’t getting disowned.

If he ever strayed – he knew his mother would come down hard on him, and possibly disown him, and then his Uncle Alphard would be forced to marry a witch, and Regulus couldn’t do that to him.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regulus stays at Hogwarts over winter holidays

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a little late because I was at Pride all day, but it's here!  
> Also! [Shine A Little Light (in my life)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16876605) takes place just before this chapter! (it's been up for like six months, but chronology)

“Sorry,” Isaac said, skimming the letter from his parents. It was a day in early December, just after Chanukah, and Max had talked him into asking his parents to stay over holidays (even though Regulus assured them both that he’d be fine). “They’re insisting I go home over break. I – really wish I could stay, but…”

“No, it’s fine,” Regulus assured him. “Max and I will be fine. Have fun with your family, really!”

“I’m sure Mum’ll shove extra food on me on the way back,” Isaac said. “And a nine hour train ride without the two of you…” He grimaced.

“You can sit with Em and Dirk. I’m sure they’ll be good company,” Max said with a grin. “We’ll try not to have too much fun without you. Because, trust me, Reg, I’ve got a plan!”

“This is exactly why I wanted to stay,” Isaac said. “Max has a plan, and I won’t even be there to stop you two from getting yourselves killed. God. Have fun in detention.”

“Oh, you’re just bitter because you have to spend all hols with Miri and David and you can’t even come visit me to pass the time like you normally do.”

Isaac only rolled his eyes, and Regulus tried not to think about his friends hanging out without him. He knew it wasn’t like they  _ tried _ to exclude him – quite the opposite, really – but they all knew his parents wouldn’t allow it. He was lucky if he managed to meet up with Isaac a few times in Diagon Alley over the summer – and his parents hadn’t been so generous this year.

* * *

It turned out that the first part of Max’s grand plan was staying up until they couldn’t possibly stay awake any longer, talking and gossiping and eating sweets they’d gotten from the House Elves in the kitchens, and then sleeping in through lunch. It was more fun than Regulus had had during winter hols  _ ever, _ and if this was all the rule-breaking Max had planned, he hardly thought they’d get into any trouble.

Regulus woke up in Max’s bed, which would have been disarming enough without Max asleep on top of him. Their beds were meant to fit one person, Regulus knew, and it had been easier to fit both of them in the bed when they’d been eleven and smaller, but he didn’t think that meant, automatically, that the best position would be for Max to literally sleep  _ on top of him. _ He was a massive dead weight, and Regulus knew he  _ should have _ been annoyed, but instead his immediate thoughts were about how adorable Max looked while he slept, and how nice it felt to have Max’s body so close to his.

But those were stupid, traitorous thoughts. He might be gay (he was  _ definitely _ gay), and he couldn’t change that, but Max was his best friend, and there was something  _ wrong _ about that. Even if Max was gay, too – that didn’t mean that he should be thinking about him like that – shouldn’t be thinking about how easy it would be to just kiss him gently on the cheek and he’d never know.

He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t kiss  _ any _ other boy – on the cheek or anywhere else. He needed to find a witch he didn’t mind marrying, figure out  _ what _ Evan Rosier had been talking about with potions or charms, and continue his family line.

It was difficult, though, when Max was so close and looked so peaceful and  _ beautiful _ while he slept, and Regulus could see every single one of his adorable freckles up close, could see his long, dark eyelashes, could make out the soft curve of his lips. He realised, with a start, that he  _ really _ wanted to kiss Max.

With Evan, he’d been able to convince himself that Evan was a terrible racist (and he was) and he might tell Narcissa no matter how he insisted he wouldn’t (also true), or that there was no chance of anything between himself and Evan  _ becoming _ anything (besides, perhaps, an affair when they were both married) – but with Max…

No. He couldn’t think that way. Max was his  _ best friend. _

So he did the only thing he could think of in the moment with Max’s face so very close to his own: he shook Max awake. “Max,” he whispered. “Get up.”

Max made an adorable little whining noise and nuzzled his face into the crook of Regulus’s neck. Regulus forced himself to think of any number of repulsive things so he didn’t get hard, because there was no way Max wouldn't  _feel it,_ close as he was, and who knew how he'd react? He shook Max harder. “Max, seriously, I’ve got to go to the loo.”

“Okay, okay,” Max grumbled, but he didn’t move. His face was still buried in the crook of Regulus’s neck, and Regulus could feel his warm breath on his neck.

This was torture. “I’ve really got to go to the loo,” Regulus said.

“I know. I’ve just got to wake up.”

“I don’t know if my bladder can wait for you to wake up,” Regulus said.

“I’m up,” Max mumbled. He rolled over just enough to let Regulus get out of the bed. Regulus grabbed his wand and made his way to the bathroom as quickly as possible and shut the door behind him. 

He set a few anti-eavesdropping charms and locked the door. At least he was able to take care of the situation without thinking of Max.

* * *

He took a shower afterward, and it was only when he was under the spray that he realised he’d forgotten to bring a change of clothes. Well, there was nothing to do for it now; he’d just have to get dressed back in the dormitory. 

Since it was just the three of them with two showers in the room, they all left their things in the shower full-time. So typically, when Regulus saw Max’s shampoo, he didn’t think anything of it.

That morning, though, for reasons he couldn’t quite explain, he unscrewed the cap and smelled it. It smelled like flowers and springtime and  _ Max, _ and Regulus  _ really _ needed to get hold of himself. He screwed the shampoo bottle shut and used his own.

He took longer than strictly necessary in the shower, but by the time he was done, he felt confident that he could face Max. Even if he faced him with no clothes on.

Regulus stopped only to cast a quick drying charm on himself (it was sloppily done and he still felt a bit damp) before going from the bathroom to his wardrobe and grabbing the first pair of underwear he saw and pulling them on.

Then feeling a rush of relief, he sat down on his bed.

“I, er, was going to go down the kitchens after I brushed my teeth,” Max said from his bed.

Regulus looked over to him. Max’s face was bright red, and Regulus felt compelled to apologise. “Sorry, I, er, decided to get a shower on a whim and – I realised when I was already in the shower that I’d forgotten clothes.”

“‘S fine,” Max said. “But – food.”

“I, yes,” Regulus said. “Food. Let me just – finish getting dressed while you brush your teeth.”

Max nodded and went into the bathroom, and Regulus pulled on a pair of Muggle jeans that Sirius had bought him, a blue t-shirt, and his newest Ravenclaw Quidditch jumper, courtesy of Lizzy Prewett’s cousin.

He was lacing up his shoes when Max came out of the bathroom.

“I, er,” Max said, “Blue and bronze – really suit you, Reg.”

“They suit you, too,” Regulus said without thinking, because it was true. They brought out Max’s eyes and the red tones in his hair.

“Thanks,” Max said. “Maybe I’ll wear house colours, too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're both hopeless


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regulus and Max eat sweets and talk (but not about that)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the boys continue to be hopeless

“Do you fancy anyone?” Regulus asked as nonchalantly as possible that evening. They were sat together in the common room, eating snacks from the kitchen. After all, while the idea of Max fancying him was absurd, surely he had to fancy  _ someone. _ Everyone fancied someone, didn’t they?

Max froze, cream puff halfway to his mouth. “What?”

“Do you fancy anyone?” Regulus repeated. “I know if you do, it’d be another bloke, but – I feel like you never talk about anyone. And you can, you know, with me. We talk about everything else – it’d be nice to talk about this with you, too.” And that way, at least, he could live vicariously through Max.

“Are you sure?” Max asked.

“Yeah, I’m sure,” Regulus said. “Sirius talks about blokes all the time – but don’t tell Aubrey that, because I reckon he’s still bitter. Corner keeps trying to talk to me, and I don’t know what to tell him besides – well, you know as well as I that Sirius obviously fancies Lupin.”

“Martin Corner, right, from the Quidditch team? Not his older brother.”

“Yeah,” Regulus agreed. “He’s Aubrey’s friend.”

“He’s mad for you,” Max said. He popped a cream puff into his mouth.

“What?” Regulus asked. “No, he’s not.”

“He is,” Max said. “I bet if you let him talk to you for longer than thirty seconds, he’ll ask you out.”

“But I’m –” He didn’t let himself finish, because he couldn’t outright lie to Max about that, not anymore, but he also couldn’t  _ tell him _ after what had happened earlier. 

“You’ve never dated a girl,” Max said, “and plenty of people like both, besides, _ especially _ Ravenclaws, for some reason. So he’ll ask.”

“Why do you think he fancies me?”

“He’s always staring at you – and trust me, he stares at you like Rosier stares at you. And what goes on in those showers after Quidditch practise?”

Regulus furrowed his brows. “We… shower? It’s nothing – wild. There’s girls’ showers and ours separate.”

“But do you have individual stalls, or a room?”

“A room,” Regulus said. “But nothing  _ happens.  _ We just shower, and sometimes talk about plays or courses.”

“So he’s seen you naked dozens of times.”

“I don’t think he  _ looks, _ Max.”

Max shrugged and ate another cream puff. “You’re fit,” he said. “Trust me, it’d be hard not to.”

Did  _ Max _ look at him? Had Max looked at him earlier that day? Regulus felt his stomach flip at the thought – but it wasn’t unpleasant. “But has he  _ told _ you?”

“Of course not, because he thinks I’m his stiffest competition.”

“What?”

“I’m your best friend  _ and _ roommate  _ and _ I’m openly gay. It’s been – illuminating, really, seeing how many other gay and bi blokes fancy you – I mean, not  _ other _ , but – what I mean is, seeing how they reacted to  _ me _ coming out…” He ate a pumpkin pasty – though Regulus had a feeling this was just to shut himself up.

“Do people – treat you badly?”

Max shook his head. After a minute, he swallowed. “Nah, not really. I mean, there’s some homophobes, but they mostly just avoid me. I really just get a lot of glares from blokes who fancy you. Like – how Sirius still glares at Evans when Lupin isn’t looking.”

Regulus thought that was a  _ terrible _ analogy, because there was clearly  _ something  _ between Lily and Lupin, even if neither were going to admit it to anyone. But then – could Max be trying to tell him something? No… that would be absurd.

“How many blokes fancy me?” Regulus asked.

“Loads of them,” Max said. “Off the top of my head – Crouch, Rosier, Corner – Isaac  _ used _ to, but I think he’s gotten over it.”

_ “Isaac?” _ Regulus asked.

“I don’t think he’s processed it yet, because he still seems convinced he’s straight, but – no straight bloke acts that way around your brother; I’m sorry, but it’s true.”

“Can you – tell that… certain people are… not straight?” Regulus asked.

Max shrugged. “Sometimes. I mean – with a lot of people, it’s based on stereotypes, which is sort of bollocks, but – I’m not straight, and neither is anyone in my family.”

“I thought you said –”

“Dad told me after I came out last year. I mean, came out to you and Isaac, not like – my family’s always known. It was part of his ‘I’m very proud of you’ speech. And Jacob told me how he  _ actually _ met Shira, which is mental – get this: he followed some straight bloke he’d fancied all through school to Israel, and offered to interpret and translate so this bloke could write some article for the Prophet, or whatever, and then he came up with an excuse on the spot that he wanted to talk to some – Israeli Magizoologists about conservation after the Six Day War – and that’s how he met Shira. She was a conservationist.”

“Oh,” Regulus said.

“Jacob actually told me he prefers blokes, generally speaking, which is sort of – he’s been with Shira since I was seven, so that’s difficult to picture.”

“And you think – Isaac is the same way? Or do you think he’s gay?”

“Oh, he likes girls,” Max said. “But he also  _ desperately _ wants all of Sirius’s attention and he’s got no idea why.”

“And do you – fancy anyone, Max?” Regulus asked.

Max shrugged. “Stubby Boardman’s gorgeous, I suppose.”

“I meant – real people. Like – Sirius, or Isaac, or – Corner, or someone.”

“Oh, god, definitely none of them,” Max said with a laugh. “Sirius is too loud and obnoxious, Isaac is far too serious, and Corner’s too – full of himself.”

“But there is – someone?” Regulus asked.

Max shrugged again. “I don’t really want to talk about it, if you don’t mind. He’s straight. Nothing’s ever going to happen, and I’m not going to do the same idiotic things as my brother over – someone who’s never going to feel the same way.”

So Max  _ did _ fancy someone. Regulus tried not feel crushed – although he had no earthly idea why he  _ should _ feel crushed, and Max was his best friend in the world. Perhaps it was because Max fancied a straight bloke. Yes; Regulus must’ve felt bad for him. That had to be it.

“I’m sorry,” Regulus said. “That’s a rotten situation.”

“It’s not all that bad,” Max said. He picked up a danish and took a bite.

“It’s still a rotten situation to be in,” Regulus said. “Max, you really deserve – a bloke who’ll give you the whole world.”

“That’s the dream,” Max said. “A bloke who loves me, a home library, and a few Kneazles.” He picked Thalia up. “Or Kneazle-cats. What do you think, Thalia? Do you want a sister?”

“Or a girlfriend,” Regulus said.

“Yes! Or a girlfriend!”

Thalia looked impassive, and Regulus reached out to pet her. What Max had described sounded far too good to be true. He knew his own future was likely much more depressing: a proper pureblood wife (who, if he was lucky, he never had to sleep with, and who could just take a potion to get pregnant), proper pureblood children, Grimmauld Place for the rest of his life, and – if he was _really_ _lucky,_ he might actually get to have that affair Evan Rosier kept promising. After the family line was secure, of course.

“Remind me to go to the owlery tomorrow morning,” Max said after a moment.

That was right; it was Isaac’s birthday in the morning. “I’ve got to mail Isaac his present, too. I didn’t give it to him before he left.”

“Oh, I’m not mailing him his present,” Max said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

“But you haven’t given it to him yet?”

“No,” Max said. “But I’m not  _ owling _ it to him. If he wanted it early, he should have asked for it. Now he’s got to wait until he comes back and I get the treats he’s promised me.”

In spite of his low mood, Regulus laughed. Max seemed to consider something, and then leaned in to kiss Regulus’s cheek. “Don’t worry,” Max said. “I’d never do that to you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and next week, we'll see what Isaac's been up to, for a brief interlude!


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius talks to Regulus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> skipping ahead a bit, but first, have you read _[La Jeunesse n'est qu'un instant](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19324552)_? no? it's over 4k of Isaac's winter holidays without Max and Regulus, and introduces a few characters who will be very relevant later on.

Sirius found him in early February and dragged him out to walk around the grounds. He’d tried to protest, but to no avail. Sirius was bloody  _ strong. _

“You’re depressed,” Sirius said once they were alone.

“I’m not,” Regulus said. If anything, he was annoyed, especially at Sirius.

“But you just feel isolated and blank and like there’s nothing to look forward to?” Sirius asked. “That’s what depression is.”

“I’m not depressed,” Regulus said. Miserable, sure, but not  _ depressed. _ “Besides, like you’d know if I were – I’ve barely seen you this year.”

Sirius shrugged. “I’ve got O.W.L.s,” he said. “And it wasn’t my idea – your friends asked me to talk to you, because they said they weren’t getting through.”

“They don’t – understand,” Regulus said.

“Understand what?” Sirius asked. He met Regulus’s gaze, and Regulus felt his resolve weaken.

It was safe enough to tell Sirius a half-truth. “I don’t – agree with all that blood purity bollocks, but I’ve got to – carry on the family line.”

“You haven’t,” Sirius said.

“You don’t know what Mum and Dad will do if I don’t.”

“I know exactly what they’ll do: they’ll disown you. And that’s not the end of the world. Frankly, I think it’d be better for both of us to be away from them. You know just as well as I do that Mother dearest has a unique skill for getting under people’s skin – especially ours. You’re looking at this from the wrong perspective.”

“What’s the right perspective, then?” Regulus asked. “Because I can’t think of a single positive side to potentially being disowned.”

“The right perspective is that we’d be away from them. You think – if you do everything she asks, that she’ll leave you alone? That she’ll leave your children alone? Reg, if you have kids and stay in the family, she’ll do the same to them that she did to us. She’ll work on them from an early age until they have no self-confidence but an excess of bravado, no ability to trust anyone, let alone themselves, and to where they’re willing to do idiotic things like marry a witch and have children when they’re gay and really just want a quiet life with a bloke who loves them.”

“I’m – not gay, Sirius,” Regulus said.

“Who said I was talking about you?” Sirius asked. “I understand what you’re going through better than anyone, and I know that you’ll die there if you don’t get out. Merlin’s beard, you already look like you want to kill yourself.”

“Don’t joke about that,” Regulus said.

“I’m not joking,” Sirius said. “You really look like you want to kill yourself. I’m concerned. And so are your friends, and I know you hate hearing that as much as I do, but it’s true. Word on the street is that you’re a shoe-in for Quidditch captain next year, Martin Corner’s clearly mad for you and desperate to ask you out – and he’s fit, you haven’t seen Mum or Dad since September first, and you won’t see them again until the end of June. By all means, you should be elated.”

He nearly told Sirius then and there. It wasn’t that he was depressed; it was that he was gay and he needed to keep himself in check and he was really starting to think that he might actually  _ fancy _ Max, which was terrifying, and that he’d nearly snogged Evan Rosier twice since Christmas. But he didn’t, because he knew his brother, and he knew that Sirius would start planning for both of them to run away then and there.

“I’ve got – things to worry about. Mum and Dad are furious because they think – well they  _ know _ – that I didn’t out you to them even though I knew you were gay. They're pressuring me to find an appropriate wife, and carry on the family name.”

“Reg,” Sirius said gently, “I'm your brother. It's my job to protect you. And you have – no idea how good it’ll feel to get out. You can marry whoever you want – Muggleborn, Half-Blood, Pureblood, witch, wizard, it won’t matter! And you’ll get a good job, because you’re clever and you’re bloody good at Quidditch, and you’ll get to stay with your friends – do you really think Mum and Dad will let you stay friends with a couple of Half-Bloods after you graduate?”

“They can’t control who I’m friends with,” Regulus said, sounding a lot more confident than he felt.

“You and I both know that’s not true. They’re already going to punish us both for not going home over hols. You think if you’re able to be under their nose full-time that they won’t be able to control who you speak to? And Reg, you know as well as I do that I’m going to get out. It’s going to be me or them at one point, and – you know I’d hate for you to pick them.”

“Sirius, please…”

“At least consider it. You can be happy. Marry someone you genuinely love. You could even get a flat with Scamander and Goldstein. Wouldn’t that be nice? Spending holidays with the Scamanders instead of Mum and Dad?”

It sounded too good to be true. Because it was. “Do you have any idea how many times I've worked myself into – panic attacks over this exact dilemma?” he asked instead. “I've considered it! I can't – Sirius, you and I both know I'm far too – too damaged for anyone halfway decent to want me! Max and Isaac will find people who love them and we’ll stay friends, but eventually – it wouldn't make any difference.”

“Merlin, you  _ are _ depressed,” Sirius said. “Plenty of decent people like you. Aubrey might be a twat, but I always liked his friend Corner, and Corner’s clearly mad for you. Go out with him.”

“I'm not gay,” Regulus said. 

“You cannot convince me that you're not interested in blokes, Reg,” Sirius said. Regulus didn’t deny it; he knew that he couldn’t be convincing. “Maybe not exclusively, but still. Corner is decent, and he fancies you. Go out with him. See what it's like to do something you want that Mum would never approve of.”

“I'm not – I'm not doing any of that. I've – I’ve got to go revise, and so’ve you.” He walked away before he could do something he'd regret, like admit Sirius was right. 

He was halfway to the library when Martin Corner caught him. “Regulus!”

Regulus wasn't sure when they'd moved on to first names, but he had bigger issues to worry about. “Hi, Martin,” he said. 

“I – I've been trying to catch you for a word for – a while, now.”

“Oh,” Regulus said, trying to pretend that he hadn’t been avoiding him. “Well I – I’ve a moment, now,” he said.

“Okay,” Martin said. He took a deep breath. “So, er, I’m aware that this is – a long shot. But I sort of – really fancy you? And I wanted to know if maybe you wanted to – go with me to Hogsmeade. Like a date. I mean, exactly a date, really.”

Sirius and Max would both gloat over this. But he didn’t feel anything for Martin Corner – he didn’t drive Regulus mad like Evan Rosier, and he didn’t make him feel warm and safe like Max. He was a good Chaser, and Regulus supposed he had a good body, and he  _ was _ relatively handsome, but – that was it. He didn’t really make him  _ feel _ anything.

“I’m – sorry, but I can’t,” Regulus said.

Martin seemed to deflate at that. “Oh. I – out of curiosity, is it – Scamander?”

“Scamander?” Regulus repeated. “Why would it be Max?”

“Well, some of us, we’ve sort of – wondered if the two of you were together? Not that it’s really any of our business, but – he’s always touching you, and you’re  _ always _ together. I mean, with your family, I get it, if you’re trying to keep everything – secret. Absolutely.”

“I – no,” Regulus said. “How many people think I’m secretly dating Max?”

Martin shrugged. “Dunno. Half the school?”

“I’m not,” Regulus said. “I’m straight, for one, and for another – if I were dating Max Scamander, I wouldn’t keep it a secret. Max is my best friend, and he’s wonderful, and he wouldn’t deserve to be in a secret relationship. If – if I were dating him, trust me, the  _ entire _ school would know.” If he could be sure that he’d spend the rest of his life with  _ Max, _ he’d let himself get disowned tomorrow. But it would never work out with Max. Max deserved someone a million times better than him, and, besides, he fancied some straight bloke.

“Okay,” Martin said. “Well – I hope this doesn’t – change anything on the pitch.”

“Of course not,” Regulus said. “I’m – flattered, honestly. And – you know as well as I do that my brother and my best friend are gay, so it’s not as if I’ve got any issue with it.” He just wished  _ he _ at least  _ liked _ witches. “Besides, it’s not as if I’m the sort of person who’d – let something like this impact  _ Quidditch.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> five chapters left!


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regulus doesn't want to spend the spring holidays alone, so he and Max go to talk to Professor Flitwick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is a lot and one of my favourites and we're getting closer to a lot of big things!

Max dragged him to speak with Professor Flitwick about going home with him over spring holidays without his parents’ permission. 

Regulus felt his anxiety churning angrily in his stomach. He knew if Flitwick didn’t give him permission or find some loophole – Passover was far too important to the Scamanders for Max to stay, let alone Isaac. And then he’d be alone. It would still be better than being with his parents, but he really didn’t like being alone – and for two weeks, at that.

He wasn’t even aware that he’d tuned out until Max nudged him. “Right, Reg?”

“I, er, right, yeah,” Regulus said, trying desperately to pretend he hadn’t just been on the verge of another panic attack.

“So, I’d stay, but Passover is really important to my family, and – Reg really wants to go with me, and it’d be a learning experience – and my sister-in-law always likes to teach me a Hebrew or Aramaic spell or two – and last year she even taught me one in Arabic. And you know what a great opportunity that is.”

“And Mr. Black,” Professor Flitwick asked, “why is it that you can’t simply – ask your parents to allow you to visit Mr. Scamander over the holidays?”

Regulus said the first thing that came to mind, which was, unfortunately, “My parents are antisemitic and racist and think that I should spend time with Evan Rosier instead, and they’re also very homophobic and upset with me for not outing my brother and also I  _ think _ they think Max and I are dating, although I can’t be sure of that, and I’m certainly not about to ask them. They already read all of our post – my brother’s and mine – and last summer they wouldn’t let me visit anyone, even Emmeline, whose family is a bit more – respected in the sorts of circles my family runs in than the Scamanders, who, as everyone knows, have always been – well,  _ against _ everything my parents stand for.” Although as he said it, he wondered if his ridiculous claim to Seraphina Greengrass toward the end of last year (that he was dating Emmeline, who was a lesbian) had gotten around to his parents. But that might not have been it – his parents hadn’t let him see Isaac, either, even just in Diagon Alley.

The next thing Max said had been solely Isaac’s idea, when Max had brought it up to him: “If we tell Reg’s parents that he’s staying for hols – Sirius is definitely staying – then they won’t see him at King’s Cross, and we can wait until everyone else is gone, and my parents can Apparate us right back home. And – we’d do that anyway, honestly, just that this way someone at the school knows that Reg isn’t here if his parents – do anything.”

“You both understand that this is quite an – unusual request,” Professor Flitwick said.

“We do,” Max said, and Regulus nodded.

“I would have to clear such a thing with Professors McGonagall and Dumbledore,” Professor Flitwick said. “Although I do have to say that I don’t like the idea of sending any student into an unsafe situation.” He looked directly at Regulus, who shifted uncomfortably.

“They’re my parents,” was all Regulus could think to say. “And Sirius is there in the summer. It’s – better with both of us there.”

* * *

It was decided, after much discussion and directly bringing the Scamanders into Dumbledore’s office (and they were on first-name basis, which Regulus thought was absolutely mental, and didn’t seem to faze Max at all), that Regulus would be allowed to go with the Scamanders for spring holidays, but if his parents did ask where he was, he was to Floo directly to Professor Dumbledore’s office.

Regulus couldn’t believe that they were willing to even do that much, and as he boarded the Hogwarts Express with Max and Isaac, he realised this was the first time he was on the train going  _ south _ and actually not dreading what was waiting for him in London.

He still had his doubts that it would work until he arrived in the Scamanders’ living room. It looked the same as it always had, and Regulus felt a considerable amount of tension slide away.

“Come on,” Max said, grabbing his hand. “Let’s put your things in my room, and then we can go into town.”

“Not so fast,” Tina said. “We need to set some ground rules. This is incredibly dangerous, sneaking Regulus out like this, and while we’re happy to do it – we need to be careful.”

“It’s a Muggle town, Mum, it’s not as if the Rosiers summer there.” 

“Your father and I still don’t like the idea of you two going somewhere alone when you’re not allowed to use magic outside of school – especially when Regulus’s parents think he’s at Hogwarts.”

Max looked from his mother to his father, who said, “Tina’s right. We’re happy to help, of course, but – there’s a difference between doing something dangerous to help someone, and being reckless.”

Max heaved a sigh, and Regulus said, “I really don’t mind staying inside.”

“You wouldn’t have to stay inside. The grounds are warded,” Newt said. “And we can go into town with you.”

“Fine,” Max said. 

“And – about Regulus staying in your room –”

_ “Mum,”  _ Max whined. “We share a room nine months of the year anyway.”

“And you both wouldn’t rather have your own bed? For two weeks?”

Two weeks sharing a bed with Max… “I don’t mind,” Regulus said.

“See?” Max said, “He doesn’t mind.”

“I’m only going to ask this once,” Tina said, “and I want both of you to be honest with me.” Regulus felt his anxiety spike, although he knew, logically, that he was being ridiculous. “Are you two together? You  _ know _ your father and I love and support you no matter what, Max, and Regulus, we really do care about you, too, and if you  _ are _ together, we’d both be very happy for you.”

“What would  _ ever _ make you think that?” Max asked.

“Your letters, for one,” Tina said, and Max blushed. “How the two of you acted when Regulus visited last… how the two of you are acting now.”

“We don’t even mind if you’re – becoming intimate,” Newt said, “as long as the two of you are taking care to communicate properly and not doing anything you’ll regret.”

Max’s parents thought they were dating. More than that, Max’s parents thought they were having sex. Max spoke before Regulus could, his face redder than Regulus had ever seen it, “We’re  _ not _ dating, god, and we’re  _ definitely _ not having sex! Reg’s  _ straight, _ first of all, and second – can’t we just be best friends?”

But Regulus  _ wasn’t _ straight, and if Max’s parents could  _ tell, _ somehow… “We’re not – we’re not together,” Regulus said, but he didn’t say that he was straight, because he didn’t like lying to Max  _ or _ Newt and Tina. “And I wouldn’t – lie about that, not to you, or ask Max to lie about that. We’re really not together.”

“Okay,” Tina said. “We believe you,” she added in a tone that implied that she didn’t really believe them at all. “But I do think, Regulus, that you might want the guest room readied just in case you do want to sleep in your own bed.”

“Fine,” Max said. “I’ll make sure the guest room is set up, but he can sleep in my room with me if he wants.” He didn’t wait for his parents to agree, and instead grabbed Regulus by the hand and dragged him upstairs and to his bedroom. This probably didn’t help their case, Regulus thought.

Max flopped down on his bed. “I can’t believe they think we’re –”

“Shagging?” Regulus asked, lying down next to him.

_ “Shagging!” _ Max repeated. “I mean, honestly, I know your brother and Aubrey are a special case, but – we’re  _ fourteen!  _ I’m not planning on actually shagging  _ anyone _ for at  _ least _ another year or two! Even in the best of circumstances!”

“I know.”

“And you’re straight!” He didn’t say it like Regulus did, or like Evan did, but rather like one would say that the sky is blue: as an objective statement of fact. Something about it made Regulus uncomfortable – Isaac surely knew; if  _ he _ could tell, why couldn’t  _ Max, _ who was doubtlessly his best friend in the world, and gay himself?

This would be a perfect time to tell Max that he wasn’t straight. But – they would be sleeping in the same bed, if Max had his way, and that could make things awkward.

If Max thought his silence was noteworthy, he didn’t say anything. “God, I’m sorry that they asked about that. I– you can talk about all the girls you fancy in front of them, maybe that’ll work.”

“I don’t – fancy any girls,” Regulus said.

If he were with Isaac, or Sirius, or Emmeline, or Lily, or Dirk, or Evan Rosier, or virtually anyone else, this would have essentially been as good as coming out. They would ask him, doubtlessly, if he fancied any  _ boys, _ and he’d likely be unable to deny it, point blank, at this point.

Max, however, took his words at face value. “Well, when you do, then,” he said. “I really hope this won’t be the last time you come over.”

Regulus stroked Max’s hair. “Definitely not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh, newt and tina and every other adult give max and regulus far too much credit in their ability to sort things out.
> 
> (also obligatory self-promo for the one-shots I've been writing for the HP Battleships fest - as of right now, I've got one posted that's Anthony/Neville, and another that's Remus/Lily)


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regulus and Max get put on babysitting duty while the adults prepare for the Seder

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is Regulus already an honorary Scamander by this point? Probably, tbh.
> 
> a note - Ema and Abba are Hebrew for Mum and Dad, because that does come up, but I don't think it's worth a linked footnote.

Max’s brother and sister-in-law, Jacob and Shira, came over a few days later with their children. Regulus had never met their son, who was just about a year old; he hadn’t seen any of them since Max’s bar mitzvah nearly two years before. He was surprised that Regina seemed to recognise him.

“We’re not dating,” Max said as soon as Jacob came through the Floo. He and Regulus were sat on the sofa together, which Regulus  _ hardly _ thought made them a couple.

“I, er… what?” Jacob vanished the soot from his clothing, looking as though he’d misheard Max.

“Reg and I aren't dating. Apparently this is something that needs to be said.”

“I… I know that, Max?” Jacob said. “I never said you were?”

“Mum and Dad did,” Max said. “So I wanted to make things clear.”

Regulus wondered if Max knew that half the school, apparently, thought they were dating. “It’s not – as if I really  _ mind _ that they thought that, Max,” he said. He wondered, then, if  _ Max _ minded. He hoped not – he might not have any intentions of ever  _ dating _ Max, but…

“No. It’s not that – it’s not that it’s  _ you, _ or anything. It’s that I tell them  _ everything _ and they still thought I’d hide something like that from them? I’d have – reacted the same way if they’d done the same with Isaac, or Dirk, or anyone else. Besides, you’re straight, so it’s never going to happen.”

Regulus realised that it  _ bothered _ him that Max thought he was straight. He  _ wanted _ to tell him, but… perhaps not in front of his entire family. “Anyway,” Regulus said, rather than tell Max that he was very much  _ not _ straight, “hello, Jacob, Shira – I’m sorry for being rude.”

Jacob waved a hand absently. “It’s not a problem. And Gina – do you remember Uncle Max’s friend Regulus from his bar mitzvah?”

Gina nodded and walked over to hug Max, who hugged her back. “I promise Reg’s friendly,” Max said. He got up to hug his brother and sister-in-law then, and cooed over the baby, who he scooped up with much more confidence than Regulus thought he could ever muster.

“Reg, this is Rolf.” He brought the baby close, and Regulus wasn’t quite sure what to do with himself. Baby Rolf was small and chubby with curly dark hair and olive skin. He stared at Regulus with large, unblinking brown eyes. It was unsettling – did babies not blink?

“I’ve never – er – really been around babies,” he said.

“Oh, it’s easy,” Max said. “You just hold him close and talk in a silly voice and track down an adult if he starts crying. You wanna try?”

“I – no, thank you. Maybe later?”

“Okay,” Max said. He turned to his brother and sister-in-law. “Mum and Dad are in the kitchen. If you want, we can handle babysitter duty.” He turned to stage whisper to Regulus, “It gets us out of cooking duty.”

“All right,” Shira said, “but don’t be afraid to grab us if you need anything.”

“I never am,” Max assured her.

* * *

Babysitting duty was boring, but Regulus found he didn’t mind. Max could apparently tell that he was uncomfortable handling the baby, so he’d been tasked with making sure Gina didn’t get into too much trouble. This involved letting Gina paint his nails with some nail varnish she’d somehow gotten hold of, but he didn’t really mind.

This really wasn’t how he’d anticipated spending his spring break, but it was nice. Even if his fingers were more purple than was ideal in most situations.

“I can’t believe you’re letting her do that,” Max said as Gina moved on to Regulus’s other hand.

“It’s just nail varnish,” Regulus said, unsure why Max was so surprised. “My cousin Cissa used to use it on me all the time. As long as my parents don’t see – which they won’t – it’s fine.”

“It’s just,” Max said, “you’ve always seemed rather – masculine.”

Regulus raised an eyebrow. Max must have been the only person who thought that. “Compared to  _ you, _ maybe. You really think I’m more masculine than Isaac? Or Dirk? Or… any other bloke we know?”

“Well, you play Quidditch,” Max said. 

“So do plenty of witches,” Regulus said, “I don’t think playing a sport makes you masculine.” And he was the Seeker, which was easily the least masculine position on the entire team. He was supposed to have  _ less _ brawn than everyone else.

“I suppose,” Max said.

“Max,” Regulus said, “I spend half my time – touching you, in a way I wouldn’t if I were concerned about masculinity. I shower typically twice daily, which – most blokes definitely don’t do – and you were  _ there _ when Isaac asked me what hair conditioner is for. You must be the only person who considers me  _ masculine.” _

“Well – I mean, look at my family.”

Regulus supposed, compared with Newt or Jacob Scamander, he could be seen as masculine. “Compared to them, sure, but would either of them care if a little girl wanted to paint their nails?”

“I – well, no,” Max said. “And – I don’t really think Isaac would, either. I mean, he’s  _ Isaac, _ so he’d kvetch the whole time, but he wouldn’t  _ actually _ care.”

“So why should I?”

“I – well, I suppose you wouldn’t. I dunno. It just caught me off guard.”

“Regulus,” Gina said.

He turned to look at her. “What is it?”

“Why do you and Uncle Max touch each other? Is it like Ema and Abba? Are you two dating? Is Uncle Max your  _ boyfriend?” _ Regulus was momentarily taken aback by the fact that Gina couldn’t have been more than seven years old, and yet it seemed to her, apparently, a perfectly natural conclusion to draw that two boys who were close might be dating.

“Gina, I said the moment you came in that Reg and I aren’t dating,” Max said.

“We’re not dating,” Regulus said. “But we  _ are _ best friends, and best friends do sometimes hug each other, or sit close to each other.” Best friends, Regulus knew, did not typically spend half of their free time lying on top of each other while one of them studied and the other claimed he didn’t need to, or run their hands through each other’s hair – but there was no need to tell Regina that.

“Right,” Max said. “A lot of the things that couples do – except kissing – are things that best friends can do, too.”

“But you said it was weird,” Gina said.

“No,” Regulus said. “I said that it wasn’t – masculine. A lot of – blokes, who’re our age, they think it’s – soft to be affectionate with your friends, but your Uncle Max knows that’s rubbish.” He looked to Max for assistance, who shrugged.

“Definitely rubbish,” Max agreed. “And Reg and I aren’t dating. He likes –”

“We’re best friends,” Regulus said, cutting Max off. He knew how Max would end that sentence, and he didn’t want to hear it. “And sometimes that’s better, because – you can break up with a boyfriend, but your best friends are there forever, right, Max?”

“Right,” Max said.

Gina pursed her lips. “Okay. I think I’m done – can I do your makeup next?”

“All right,” Regulus said. He’d never worn makeup before in his life, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t agreeing at least in small part because he wanted to prove to Max without actually having to say it that he wasn’t straight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> prepare yourselves for a Max POV one shot coming next week!
> 
> also, if you like Evan and Regulus's banter (as seen in earlier chapters), check out [i don't keep to myself very well](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19786825) (rated M), a canon-compliant oneshot I've written about them for HP Battleships 2019.  
> (additionally, if you want more Jewish Harry Potter content, you can check out [Patronuses and Prefects](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19470346) (Neville/Anthony, rated T) and [Mum Knows Best](https://archiveofourown.org/works/19721050) (Charlie/Rolf, rated M), also written for that fest!)


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius has done something unbelievably stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "what's sirius up to?" wellllll.....

It seemed like a normal Thursday in May when Professor Flitwick came into the fourth year boys’ dormitory. Regulus was up revising for exams. Max was in his usual spot (that was to say on his bed, curled up with his head in Regulus’s lap as Regulus read aloud even though Regulus knew Max wasn’t paying any attention). Isaac had long drawn the curtains of his own bed, but Regulus could only assume he was still revising (and if he wasn’t, Regulus didn’t particularly want the details).

Flitwick knocked on the door first, and Max jumped a bit, but stayed put in Regulus’s lap. “Come in,” Regulus called, and he really hoped it wasn’t David, who had made a habit of trying to make sure Isaac slept enough.

It was, instead, Professor Flitwick, who was wearing his dressing gown.

“I – I’m sorry, Professor, were we – being loud? Max claims this is more efficient –”

“It  _ is _ more efficient,” Max said.

“– and I thought I was being quiet enough not to be overheard.”

“I’m afraid I’m here about something else entirely, Mr. Black. You’re not in trouble, and it’s nothing to do with your parents, but I do need you to come with me.”

Regulus looked from Flitwick to Max, feeling anxious. “What’s it – have to do with? I’ll just tell Max and Isaac anyway; you can tell them.”

“Professor Dumbledore has given me strict instructions to fetch you and only you.”

Max sat up and rifled through his bedside table drawer until he found a vial of calming draught. “Here. You’ll probably need it.”

Regulus felt touched that Max had apparently thought enough about his bad nerves to actually keep a store of calming draught on hand. He took the vial and slipped it into the pocket on his pyjama shirt. “Thanks.”

“Of course,” Max said. “And I can’t promise I’ll keep revising, but I will wait up, okay?”

Regulus wanted to kiss him, but that was far too dramatic a thought to act on, especially with Flitwick right there. So, instead, he hugged him. “Thank you.”

He put his dressing gown and slippers on, and followed Flitwick to the Headmaster’s office. He felt anxious, but he didn’t quite think he needed the calming draught yet. Flitwick had said he wasn’t in trouble, and it had nothing to do with his parents, so those were his two worst concerns quelled.

Regulus did not expect to see James Potter and Sirius Black sitting in the Headmaster’s office, with McGonagall standing nearby, but, really, he supposed he should have known it was them.

“Can I ask what happened?” Regulus asked.

Sirius huffed. “It was a lark! I didn’t know the idiot would actually try anything!”

This was bad, Regulus realised, but he managed to just dig his nails into the palm of his hand instead. His hands were so callused and his nails so short he barely even felt it. 

“Professor McGonagall, if you could take your students just outside for a few minutes while I speak with Mr. Black, the younger?”

Professor McGonagall nodded and escorted Sirius and James out of the office. Professor Dumbledore waved his wand, and the hard, wooden chairs were transformed into plush armchairs.

“Please, sit down, Mr. Black. I hope we didn’t disturb your sleep.”

Regulus sat and shook his head. “I was revising. For – exams. Professor, what’s going on?”

“In due time,” Dumbledore said. “Now, I understand you and your brother have a sort of – connection, as brothers often do, especially in homes like yours.”

Regulus shifted uncomfortably. “I… suppose? I mean, we’re brothers.”

“Has your brother ever done anything to lead you to believe that he would ever knowingly cause serious harm to another student?”

Regulus looked to Professor Flitwick, who nodded encouragingly. What the hell was going on?

“I – no, I don’t think so.”

“What, then, about his attack on Bertram Aubrey in September?”

Regulus shrugged. “I don’t know. I heard – yelling, so Max and I left the Great Hall. I don’t – like being around when people are yelling.”

“Have you ever heard him mention Severus Snape?”

Regulus nodded. “Well, yeah. Mostly – when he was angry that Lupin was hanging around Lily Evans instead of him. He said that Snape wasn’t happy about it, and he wasn’t, and thought that that was the key to – fixing whatever problem he had with Lupin.”

“Have you ever known him to act violently toward those he might not like?”

“Professor, with all due respect, I haven’t seen much of Sirius at all since – last school year. He spent all summer sneaking out to be with Potter – ask him – and this year he’s been busy with O.W.L.s. And I’ve – been dealing with issues of my own, quite frankly. I haven’t had time for his drama. We – say hello in the hallways, and in February he tried to tell me he thought I was depressed, but that’s – really been it. I think he’s distancing himself so our parents won’t – take it out on me.”

“Take what out on you?” Dumbledore asked.

Regulus realised, then, that he’d made a fatal error. He tried to make his parents sound better than they were. Like he didn’t actively dread going home for the summer. “They don’t like that he’s a Gryffindor, and they don’t like his friends, and they don’t like his fascination with Muggles. They – think we’re both embarrassments to our family, and – they’re upset Sirius is gay. They – sent us both letters, after Sirius had that fight with Aubrey, and they broke up. Someone must’ve written them, and my parents were – very upset that Sirius had a boyfriend and that I didn’t tell them. And since then – I think I’ve had one actual conversation with him, barring when he and I exchanged Christmas gifts, or when I gave him his birthday gift.”

“So you have – trouble at home.”

“We’re hardly the only students here whose parents are disappointed in them,” Regulus said. “Can you tell me what he’s supposed to have done?”

“Sirius told another student – Severus Snape – how to access a very dangerous area on the castle grounds which held a very deadly creature. If James Potter hadn’t saved Mr. Snape – he would surely be dead.”

“Hold on,” Regulus said,  _ “James Potter _ saved Severus Snape? Quidditch player Potter? Tall, messy hair, glasses?  _ That _ James Potter?”

“You seem surprised.”

“If Sirius doesn’t like Snape, Potter  _ hates _ him. Everyone knows it. He’s jealous because Lily Evans would rather hang round Snape than him. Sometimes he skulks around after Slug Club meetings to try to catch her, and he always insults Snape when he does. Lily calls Potter a bully – and she’s right.”

“Be that as it may,” Dumbledore said, “our purpose in asking you here is to determine if your brother had any malicious intent.”

“He wouldn’t kill anyone,” Regulus said. “He’s a prat, and he’s got loads of issues, but he wouldn’t  _ kill _ anyone. He might not have known how dangerous it was, or might not have thought Snape would actually take that risk, but I really don’t think he’d do that if he’d known. He’s an idiot, but he’s not a killer. And – for that matter, if Snape knew he was going to a dangerous area, isn’t that a bit on him, too?”

“You’re certain your brother didn’t intend to kill Mr. Snape?”

“Absolutely,” Regulus said.

Dumbledore stroked his beard. “Thank you, Mr. Black. I think that’ll be enough. Professor Flitwick will take you back to your dormitory now.”

* * *

Max was still awake and sitting on his bed when Regulus got in.

“What happened?”

Regulus fished the calming draught out of his pocket and handed it back to Max, who put it away. Then he flopped down on Max’s bed. “Sirius is a gigantic bloody idiot and nearly killed Snape with a stupid prank, and he’ll probably get expelled  _ and _ disowned.”

“I dunno,” Max said. “Snape’s a Half-Blood – do you really think your parents will care?”

“If he were a Muggleborn they’d throw him a party, but – he’s a Slytherin, and he’s cozy with Mulciber and Avery and Rosier. So they’re not going to be happy.”

Max started stroking Regulus’s hair, which felt so nice. “Well,” Max said, “we’ve already established that if it gets to be too much for you at home, you can come live with me. You’d – get the guest room as your own room, in that case, of course.”

“I might need it,” Regulus said.

“Any time you do, just stop by. It’s all warded, but as you know – the wards recognize your magical signature, so you’ll be fine to just walk right in.”

“Max?” Regulus asked.

“Yeah?”

“I love you,” he said, “and I really don’t – know what I ever did to deserve someone as wonderful as you in my life.”

“I love you, too,” Max said, and Regulus couldn’t ignore how the words made him feel like he was floating. Of course, Max didn’t mean them  _ that way, _ and that was okay. Max, even as his best friend, was still better than he deserved. “And you – Reg, you deserve the whole world. You’ve already got friends who love you and we’d do anything for you, me and Isaac, and you deserve – to be happy, and to marry someone you love, you know, eventually, and find a career you love, and – all the good things in the world.”

“See?” Regulus said. “This is exactly what I’m talking about. You’re too wonderful.” He nuzzled into Max’s chest, and Max continued stroking his hair until he drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Max and Reg are very efficient at revising. Cuddling counts as revising, right?


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regulus and his friends celebrate Max's birthday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who's filled out the survey so far; I'll be posting a summary once it closes (a week after the last chapter)

A month later, as Regulus and his friends sat by the lake after their Charms exam, they saw the O.W.L. and N.E.W.T. students making their way out of the castle.

“I’m  _ not _ looking forward to O.W.L.s,” Max said.

Regulus carded his fingers through Max’s hair, as Max settled into his lap, and Isaac lay down on the grass. “You wouldn’t,” Isaac said. 

“You  _ are _ ?” Emmeline asked. She and Dirk sat on a blanket on Isaac’s other side. Regulus, for one, didn’t particularly mind if his robes got stained from sitting on the grass.

“Got to figure out if I’ll make the cut to be a Healer, haven’t I?” Isaac asked.

“You want to be a Healer?” Emmeline asked. “But you’re so…”

“Squeamish,” Max said. “And none too good at bedside manner.”

“I’m  _ not _ squeamish,” Isaac said. “And it’s not as if – I’m not really passionate about any one thing, so it’s not as if I’m like  _ Dirk, _ who’s clearly gunning for something with Gringotts.”

“Or the Goblin Liaison Office,” Dirk said. “Maybe. I’m still – thinking on it.”

“Or Reg, with his Quidditch.”

“I still – I don’t  _ know _ if I’m going to play professionally,” Regulus said, but he  _ did _ want to, more than nearly anything else (except for spending the rest of his life with a bloke who loved him).

“Bollocks,” Isaac said. “You will, and you’ll get me free tickets, as long as you don’t sell out and play for Wimbourne. But I haven’t got a passion like that.”

“Neither have I or Max,” Emmeline said.

“Oh, I’ll probably just work some Ministry job until I get everything sorted,” Max said. “Worked for my dad, didn’t it?”

“You’d  _ hate _ an office job,” Regulus said.

“Probably,” Max agreed. “But I’ll have you and Isaac to kvetch to about it.”

“You’ll have  _ Reg _ to kvetch to about it,” Isaac corrected, “because  _ Isaac _ will be in the very strenuous Healer training program.”

Max rolled his eyes. “You know you don’t have to have your entire life planned out at fifteen, right?”

“I haven’t got my  _ entire life _ planned out,” Isaac said, “I just know I’ll probably end up being a Healer.”

“Speaking of being fifteen,” Regulus said, casting a glance at Emmeline to help change the subject, “Max, you haven’t mentioned doing anything on Saturday for your birthday.”

“Oh, I dunno,” Max said.

“We can have the House Elves bake you a cake,” Emmeline suggested.

“I do like cake,” Max said.

“And we’ve got to give you your presents,” Regulus said.

“What about…” Max began, “well, we can sneak Dirk in easy, and we know Emmeline can come up to our dorm. What if we have a big sleepover?”

“We’ve only got three beds,” Isaac said, “and while  _ you _ two might share, I’m not.”

“We can conjure sleeping bags, or something,” Max said.

“I think it’s a great idea,” Regulus said.

“Don’t look now,” Dirk said, looking across the lake. “but Potter’s got Snape upside down over there.”

Regulus glanced over to where Dirk had indicated and heaved a sigh. “I don’t know why the two of them can’t just – leave it be.”

“Well,” Dirk said, “Potter’s angry that Lily likes Snape more than him.”

“Lily likes  _ anyone _ more than him,” Regulus said, although he did know, as everyone else did, that Lily and Snape were  _ somehow _ childhood friends. “And Sirius hates all Slytherins on principle. Makes Snape an easy target.”

“You don’t actually feel bad for him?” Isaac asked.

Regulus snorted. “Merlin, no. Snape’s vile, and with the people he hangs round – he probably more than deserves it.” But then again, his brother  _ had _ just nearly killed him not even a month before, and now Sirius was teaming up with Potter for – whatever this was. “What kind of cake do you want, Max?”

* * *

It was determined that Regulus would go get the cake and meet Dirk outside of the kitchens. He didn’t know how he was meant to sneak in an entire cake  _ and _ a Hufflepuff, but Isaac had insisted he needed to go over his notes to see how he’d done on exams, and Emmeline had agreed to help Max decorate.

He picked up the cake first, and accepted the additional pastries the House Elves insisted he take. When he finally managed to get out of the kitchen, Dirk was waiting outside the door.

“Sorry,” Regulus said. “They’re – really insistent.”

“Oh, it’s fine,” Dirk said. “Do you need any help?”

“Actually,” Regulus said. “I was thinking about that. If you hold the cake, and I cast a disillusionment charm on you – I think it could work.”

Dirk appeared to consider it. “Okay. That should be fine, I think.”

Regulus transferred the cake over to him and cast the charm. It wasn’t as if Dirk were  _ invisible,  _ but it was good enough for their purposes. Especially since the Head Boy was Isaac’s brother. Regulus led the way up to Ravenclaw Tower, got the riddle right on the first try, and led Dirk through the trap door and up to the fourth year boys’ dorm.

He lifted the charm, and Dirk put the cake down on Max’s bedside table.

Isaac was sat on his bed, going through notes, but Max and Emmeline were nowhere to be found.

“Where are Max and Emmeline?” He conjured a serving dish and put the pastries down on it on Max’s bed.

“Max has decided to invite Miri. So – talking to her, I suppose.”

“I like Miri,” Regulus said. Especially now that she didn’t seem to fancy him anymore.

“Just go change before she gets here. No one wants her making eyes at you.”

Regulus didn’t need to be told twice; he got a pair of pyjamas out of his dresser, slipped into the bathroom, and changed as quickly as possible. When he got back out, Dirk had changed and was setting up large, comfortable-looking sleeping bags.

“Isaac, you can stop reviewing your notes. Exams are over. I’m sure you passed.”

“Just until Max gets back,” Isaac said. 

Regulus rolled his eyes and grabbed a strawberry tartelette from Max’s bed and scratched Thalia behind her ears.

“Did you hear about what happened the other day with Potter and Snape?” Dirk asked. He sat down on Max’s bed. 

“We saw it, didn’t we?” Regulus asked.

“No, after that.”

“There was  _ more?” _ Isaac asked, evidently not as interested in reviewing his notes as he’d claimed.

Dirk nodded. “Oh, yeah. Heard it from Gareth Carmichael who heard it from his girlfriend, Marlene McKinnon, who’s Lily Evans’s roommate.”

“What happened?” Regulus asked.

“Snape called her a you-know-what right in front of Potter and everyone.”

“Aren’t they supposed to be friends?” Regulus asked.

“They were,” Dirk said, “but I know I wouldn’t forgive anyone for calling me that, especially if we were meant to be friends.”

“I’m sure Reg can tell us how terribly frowned upon it is in those circles to use the word Muggleborn.”

“He’s right,” Regulus said. “My cousin gives me this look every time I say Muggleborn, so I’ve just – stopped mentioning Muggleborns at all, because I’m not going to say the other word – not  _ now,  _ and especially not when I know that everything my family’s said about Muggleborns is bollocks. And I wouldn’t – if one of my  _ best friends _ were a Muggleborn, like if Max or Isaac were, I wouldn’t ever even think about saying it again. I mean not that I do  _ now _ , but…”

“No, I get what you’re saying,” Dirk said.

“I’m sure Snape will blame his upbringing, or his social circle, but I’m a  _ Black, _ and  _ I _ don’t say it. And he – chose that social circle.”

“You ever think you’d have been in that social circle if you were a Slytherin?” Isaac asked.

“I have  _ no idea _ what my life would be like if I were a Slytherin,” Regulus said. “I’d probably be friends with Evan Rosier, at least, but I dunno about Mulciber and Avery. They’re – Rosier, at least, has other interests. Like – Quidditch.” And snogging other blokes, but Regulus wasn’t going to admit to that in front of Dirk. “But even  _ he’s _ a terrible racist, and I don’t particularly  _ want _ to be friends with him.”

“Neither would I,” Isaac said.

“Did the Sorting Hat try to put you in Slytherin?” Dirk asked.

Regulus shook his head. “I tried to convince it to. Glad it didn’t, now – I think I made a few good points, but it said in the end that Ravenclaw was the only real option. I’ve got – cunning and ambition, but it’s – overshadowed. And I’d really rather be here.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Max's birthday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're at the end of year four!

Max came back a few minutes later with Miri and Emmeline in tow. He, predictably, made a beeline for the cake. “What kind is it?”

“Chocolate,” Regulus said. “What else?”

Max hugged him. “Reg, I swear, sometimes, I could just kiss you.”

Regulus thought he wouldn’t mind that one bit, but he knew better than to admit that. “There are – pastries, too. The House Elves wouldn’t let me leave without them.”

Max grinned and kissed his cheek. “What would I ever do without you?”

“Annoy me to no end, is what you’d do,” Isaac said from his bed. He reached into his trunk and threw a package to Max. “Here’s your present.”

“He thinks he did poorly on exams,” Regulus stage whispered.

“Isaac, you didn’t do poorly on exams,” Max said. “You’re one of the best students in the entire school.” He ripped open the wrapping paper to reveal a book. It appeared to be a novel, but Regulus had never heard of it.

“I’ve been getting fliers from this – gay bookstore in the post ever since I had to special order that one book last year. This looked like something you might like.”

“Ooh, is it  _ gay?” _ Max asked, turning the book over in his hands. “Has it got a happy ending?”

“Yes, and yes,” Isaac said. “At least – as far as I’m aware.”

“Excellent,” Max said.

It seemed, then, that it was time to exchange gifts. Everyone else had gotten Max a book of some sort, so when it was Regulus’s turn, he felt self-conscious, but handed the package over anyway.

It was a jumper with Kneazles on it – the Kneazles were playing with each other, and the main colour of the sweater was the same blue as Max’s eyes, and Regulus could feel everyone’s eyes on him as Max held it up to himself.

“I  _ love  _ it!” Max exclaimed.

“It was supposed to be for Chanukah, but it wasn’t done in time. I also – got you some chocolate, from Honeydukes.”

Max hugged him tightly. “Can’t believe I’ve got to live up to this for your birthday, then,” he said.

“It’s not a  _ competition,” _ Regulus said.

“No,” Max agreed, “but still. This is so wonderful, Reg. And now – time for cake! Let’s see – there are six of us so that means if we just cut the cake into six pieces, that’s enough for everyone.”

“How about twelve?” Isaac asked. “Two for each of us. That way those of us who  _ want _ can go back for seconds. Not everyone has your appetite, Max.”

Max heaved a dramatic sigh. “Fine. But if no one wants their second slice, I get it. It’s my birthday, after all.”

They spent the rest of the night talking, laughing, and eating. They had a week left before they were to go home, and Regulus never wanted it to end. He and Max fell asleep in his bed sometime after nearly everyone else, with Max curled up next to him. 

He made up his mind then and there, as he drifted off to sleep: He’d tell Max when they started next term. He didn’t want to risk anything so close to summer hols, but in September, he’d tell him.

Well, he’d tell him that he was gay. He  _ wouldn’t _ tell him that he was becoming increasingly certain that he fancied him. That would just make things awkward.

* * *

Regulus savoured the rest of term as best he could. Ravenclaw had won the Quidditch Cup, and Prewett reiterated that she wanted him to captain the team the following year. 

“I’ve already spoken to Professor Flitwick about it. Ultimately it’s his call, of course, but if it goes to Corner rather than you…” She shook her head. “At least we’ve won the Quidditch Cup.”

She went on to talk to Corner, no doubt to lecture him on how he ought to run the team if Flitwick chose him as captain. Regulus didn’t particularly think he’d mind if Corner were made captain – he hadn’t treated Regulus any differently since Regulus had rejected him, which was, really, all the reassurance he needed. (Although he still wasn’t sure why Corner fancied  _ him, _ but he didn’t dwell on it).

Max came into the common room from their dormitory and flopped down on the sofa so that his head rested in Regulus’s lap. Regulus started carding his fingers through Max’s hair; it was nearly on reflex at this point.

“Reg,” Max began suddenly after a few minutes.

“Yeah?”

“D’you fancy anyone?” he asked. “I don’t think I’ve  _ ever _ heard you talk about – well,  _ anyone _ that way.”

Regulus felt as if his heart had dropped into his stomach. He couldn’t properly tell Max that he fancied  _ him, _ and the alternative would be admitting that he desperately wanted to snog Evan Rosier, which wouldn’t be any better, but he also  _ really _ didn’t want to lie to Max.

When he didn’t reply after a moment, Max continued, “It’s okay if it’s – someone you think Isaac or I wouldn’t approve of. You can’t control who you fancy, and everyone knows that.”

“There’s – no girl I’ve got my eye on,” Regulus said, which, while it wasn’t  _ technically  _ a lie (because he was  _ definitely _ gay, and there certainly wasn’t any girl he had his eye on in any way), it certainly  _ felt _ like one (because he hadn’t  _ told _ Max he was gay).

Max, for once, seemed to pick up on this. “There’s no  _ girl _ you’ve got your eye on?”

“No,” Regulus agreed. “No girl.”

“No  _ girl,”  _ Max said.

“We’ve just clarified – no girl.”

Max turned so he was looking up at Regulus, and Merlin his eyes were so blue and his face was just  _ covered _ in freckles and his lips looked so soft. Regulus wondered what it would feel like to kiss him. “Is there something you want to tell me?” His voice was soft, level, and as serious as Regulus had ever heard it.

“Max,” Regulus began, “I’m going to – go home and see my parents in just a few days, can we please not – do this now?”

Max worried at his lower lip. “Fine. But we’ll talk about it in September, all right?”

“All right,” Regulus said.

“Promise me?”

“I promise.”

“And if they get to be too much – you know how to use the Knight Bus. Floo’ll be monitored, between points. Or – James Potter doesn’t live very far, if you get Sirius to contact him, we can work out a plan. Our parents are friends, anyway, so – i’m sure he and Sirius have untraceable means of contact.”

“I – really hope I don’t need to, but – thank you.”

“Of course,” Max said.

Regulus wondered if Narcissa would still write him once he was disowned. After all, it was just a matter of time. He didn’t think he could keep up the act very much longer, and Merlin only knew what his parents would do to Sirius after they arrived back at Grimmauld Place. And if they’d somehow found out that he’d snuck off to the Scamanders’ for Easter hols while he said he was at Hogwarts – Sirius had forwarded the letter his parents had sent, but he was still nervous about it, months after the fact.

At least, no matter what, he knew that Max and Isaac would be there for him, as much as they could. That helped. He didn’t know where he’d be without them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The survey will remain open until year five starts in two weeks (with a one-shot, this time).  
> I'll share the survey results when I post year five proper, in three weeks.
> 
> Thank you to everyone who's already filled out the survey, and everyone who's left comments and kudos. As always, the best way to get all the updates is to subscribe to the series proper.

**Author's Note:**

> come visit me on [tumblr](https://xslytherclawx.tumblr.com/) | [character guide](https://xslytherclawx.tumblr.com/chars)
> 
> * * *
> 
> please take the [survey](https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/5C69JGQ) for fourth year! this helps me figure out what to write more of, and it is something i keep in mind while writing and editing.
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